Unrepentant Adultery and the Christian: Can the Two Co-Exist?

Gotta Say It

Have you ever been in a room full of people… maybe even a few… and they were talking about something… something you’re passionate about… and they were either arrogantly boasting like they knew what they were talking about,  or they were talking like there were no answers to the subject at hand… or, even worse, they were completely off their rocker with their conclusions?

And, if you’ve ever been in a room like that, have you ever gotten fed up to the point where you couldn’t take it anymore, stood up in your chair, and belted out, “OK, I gotta say something!”?

Well, that’s what I’m doing right now…

I’ve gotta say something.

Good and Bad

Today is Valentine’s Day (happy Valentine’s Day to you). It’s a day that, for me, always comes with a mixed bag of emotions and thoughts. For one, I’m glad we have a day that promotes the good things about being “in love” and the valuing of other people, especially women. For the record, it’s a holiday that is banned in several Muslim countries, including the Muslim districts of others, all because it’s considered a Christian holiday and overvalues women. Think about that for a second.

On the other hand, Valentine’s Day is rife with the stereotypical misrepresentations of true love and overflowing with encouragements to sin. And by sin, I mean fornication, adultery, lust, envy, you name it. The worst part is that it’s a day when the sexual aspects of relationships are elevated above everything else, including fidelity, trust, compassion, and selflessness.

So, it’s because of the subject matter of the day that I come to you, dear reader, to vent my frustration and hopefully offer some common sense and biblical wisdom.

Too Many

Image result for divorce imagesIf there had been only one broken relationship, only one divorce, only one potentially devastated child come to my attention in the last couple of weeks, that would still be too many. Yet, just this week I’m looking at several couples and families being destroyed, or potentially destroyed, by adultery and divorce.

On that note, let’s get real and ditch the nice-sounding labels and socially-palatable descriptions of sin, shall we? Married people don’t have “affairs”; they commit adultery.

The word affair makes it sound like you’ve done nothing more than go out for a walk, picked up some coffee, then – oops! – somebody flirted! But whether or not you sipped a milkshake with somebody besides your spouse; looked at porn in order to get the affirmation your wife wouldn’t give; or told yourself he’d be better off with you than his wife, so you pushed his buttons until he undid yours… it’s ALL ADULTERY.

I’m seeing too many people who call themselves Christians shacking up, playing house, competing with spouses, sharing spouses, buttering up kids that don’t belong to them, and jumping under the sheets like it’s nothing more than a workout at the gym! Folks, it’s called fornication, adultery, greed, idolatry, and, if you want to be honest, murder (because you’re killing – putting “assunder” – what God has joined together).

What’s Even Worse

And get this! As if committing adultery wasn’t bad enough, there are those out there who do these things on a regular basis, then brazenly go to a place of worship!

Think about that… they are sexually active, committing adultery, and going to church together… in public… with no shame or regret. Does it ever occur to them that they are there to worship the Savior who died to save them from the wages of sin? That He bore their pet sin on the cross?

This is the very sin of which Jesus was speaking when he told the woman about to be stoned, “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).

And people wonder whether or not God is merciful! God killed Ananias and Sapphira for lying to the Holy Spirit (Acts 5), yet they use HIS house to play house? Do they think that God approves of this?

Blind, Hardened, and Lost

Why am I writing this? Because I am sick to my stomach. I’m heartbroken. People I love are playing with fire and risking the judgment of God.

I am fearful, also, because those who are doing these things are convinced they are right with God … saved, born again, going to heaven. They have assumed their ticket for the Glory Train has been punched, that their spot is secure, nobody’s perfect, and God is going to love them, anyway. Worst comes to worse, they will deal with the consequences when they come… then, when they are ready, “He is faithful and just to cleanse them from all unrighteousness.” …which, by the way, is the sin of presumption.

Dear friend, if this is you, I fear you’ve been blinded by the Enemy, your sinful heart has been hardened, and you are most likely lost without Christ and on your way to eternal destruction.

How Can I Say That?

Right now there are some of you who are probably thinking I’m some pulpit-banging, self-righteous preacher spitting and yelling at you. You might have a picture in your mind of a red-faced, polyester-suit-wearing, hateful wingnut pointing his finger at you and yelling “sinnerrrrr!” through gritted teeth.

But I’m not; I’m weeping for you! Because somehow, somewhere, you’ve forgotten some very important facts:

  • “But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.” – Proverbs 6:32 NLT
  • “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 NKJV
  • “Marriage [is] honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” – Hebrews 13:4
  • “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.” – James 4:4

You might also be convinced that since somewhere in the past you “got saved” or “became a Christian” that even if you regularly fornicate or commit adultery, your salvation is secure. If you are referring to “eternal security,” I believe in that!

However, it’s one thing to mess up and give in to temptation, be remorseful, repent, and ask God to forgive you; but continually and willfully living in outward disobedience to God is something altogether different and is evidence you’ve never been redeemed. If you are truly a new creation, old things are passed away (2 Cor. 5:17), and what is “new” will want to “keep my commandments” (John 14:15).

The FACT, as stated in the above Scriptures, is that adulterers and adulteresses are ENEMIES OF GOD and WILL NOT inherit the kingdom of God!

In other words, those people who are not born again believers in Jesus Christ, but deceived souls whose nature has never been changed (which is evident by their unrepentant, unashamed, unabashed regular actions that fly in the face of God’s clear commands) will, unfortunately, go to hell.

Am I perfect? No. I don’t pretend to be.

Do I sin? Yes. But I regret it every time and try to avoid the next time.

Blatant rebellion is not what I’m known for; I’m not characterized by it. I have a new nature that fights with the lusts of the flesh in which I live (Rom. 7:14-25), but until this “mortality puts on immortality” (1 Cor. 15:54), the struggle will always be difficult and real. Temptations are around every corner these days.

But if you call yourself a follower of Jesus; if you know what God has said about marriage and adultery; yet, you continue in your sin, like it’s no big deal, you might do well to reexamine your salvation.

“Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.” – 2 Corinthians 13:5 NLT

Because I care, I had to say something.

31 Comments

Filed under Christianity, Family, Marriage, Relationships and Family

31 responses to “Unrepentant Adultery and the Christian: Can the Two Co-Exist?

  1. not sure if my post went up or not. the site isn’t showing any comments.

    Unfortunately Baptist reformed theology made up this Idea that someone cant loose their salvation.
    I think its reasonable to think someone could be genuine and accept Christ, have a changed heart and live for him for years with some failures and acts against Christ in the process like Peter denying Christ… But still be a christian.
    And I think its reasonable to think that someone might get caught up in a sin. People with changed hearts can abandon the faith. People can chose to love the world again. its the return to their vomit sort thing.

    That said, lets not throw the baby out with the bath water. Like going to a grocery store, the lust of the flesh and lust of the eyes might get you filling your bag with sweets. That might be the adultery with that beautiful chick God made. It just means you failed a test and abandoned God and have been led away. It also might mean that you can be rescued. That someone can talk with you. That God can call to you a gainsayer and maybe he will get through. This is the whole reason for preaching, for bible reading, for christian music and for witnessing and intervention.

    And we do not have to be mad to talk with someone, or make a huge confrontation. Simply spelling it out clearly and making someone aware allows them to change. How beautiful are the feet of those… The Good news is that reconciliation is the business God is in, and he provides the means, the method, and the spirit and people like yourself with the skills to rescue those out of the fire, out of the sinking ship.

    Just one tip. It helps when you are trying to pull someone out of drowning. Don’t stand on their head.

    • I agree with what you’re saying, for the most part. It really wasn’t my intent, however, to focus on the reality that people get caught up in a failure while still being a Christian. My purpose was to get people who are choosing to live in sin to consider why it’s a continual thing with them, not a failure now and again. It’s the continuing in sin that is a mark of someone who’s not been saved.

      Now, what I question in your comment is the suggestion that Baptist reformed theology should be credited with the doctrine of eternal security. Do Reformed Baptists believe that way? Yes, they do. But I do, and I’m not Reformed.

      By the way, I did send you a link to my arguments for eternal security. I don’t remember which post of yours it was on, however.

      • I have several baptist friends, a couple that are reprobate and figure they are saved, but are not.
        But I agree with you that exposing and proclaiming truth to sin and asking why is it that they are doing it is necessary.
        The thing is, Pride, will almost always win because of the embarrassment of being found out or exposed.
        I believe their is a formula of addressing the pit falls like that so that people can get back into the ship.
        I am watching Mr. Munk and he is so fussy that if you are dirty for example he is so distracted that he cant focus on the issues at hand. And that same sort of thing happens with these that do some obvious sins.
        Lets say they are lonely, and shack up. They might see marriage as a formality. They might say, they are not sleeping around. They might say that a minister doesn’t make a person married, the heart does. In effect they might just be scared, but want the marriage but haven’t gone through with it… yet.
        Because People are People, they have reasons, and some that are lame. I think some times people simply need to be told what normal is and that God expects this and its a deal breaker. And they have to pick a lane.
        It could be that in good conscience they will pick a lane. The right one because they do love God. So I think its the job of leaders to feed the sheep, to guide, to instruct and to encourage people to read their bibles and to come out of the world and Love God Or end up being luke warm.
        We can screw it all up and in a way sin ourselves by destroying their lives needlessly. Covering a sin or dealing with it in love is an act of kindness, that Jesus understands.
        It reminds me of the king who forgave but the servant found someone who also had debt but then jumped to the jail part instead of taking it easy on the person who owed. Ergo the don’t step on the head of the person you are pulling from drowning.
        Whats really Odd about bad people is, once in a while they surprise you. They take their life savings and pour it all over your feet and wipe your feet with their hair and wash your feet with their tears. Only minutes earlier they might have been selling a trick and maybe stabbed a guy…
        I know that their is not much good in anyone, but Jesus still reaches out.
        I think we should call a spade a spade but reach in love and if we must say it, say, what were you thinking! how could you fall into sin like that.

      • Please understand, my post was not addressing bad choices and loving people back into fellowship. I was addressing those who sin as a pattern, not those who trip up.

        The one who is truly born again can, unfortunately, commit adultery. A true Christian may get involved with all kinds of things that are wrong. But what I’m talking about is the one who perpetually seeks after that sin with no remorse, no regret, and yet claims to be a Christian. I am not judging that person’s salvation, but I am asking that person to do a self check.

        Jesus made it clear that if we love him, we will keep His commandments. Those who love Him, often fail. But one who regularly breaks Christ’s commandments must reconsider his relationship.

        I’ve talked to one of the people in my story several times about her salvation. She says she is a believer, but she can’t even give a basic explanation for how one is born again. That alone concerns me. But then when you add other actions that mirror one who’s never had a heart change, especially multiple adulterous relationships, I have to warn her that even though she may think she’s a Christian, maybe she is not. And that’s why we are told to “examine yourselves…”

        And, yes, I know some Baptists who are little more than pagans. They’re probably as saved as snake, but they are convinced they’re right with God.

      • I agree with you totally. I get really worried when I talk with people who claim to be christian or born again and when asked they do not know what John 3:16 says or Romans 3;23 is or Galatians 3 or Exodus 20 or Romans 12:1 or any scripture. I am lucky if they can tell me the topic of Psalms 23.
        Now their are lots of so called Christians that do not have Christianity. They do not have Christ. They do not have a conversion but they love to be saved but the love is superficial. They are the most kind and cordial people and many don’t sin the big sins, but to say they know Christ, that they hear his voice, that they have his spirit is a stretch.
        Christians must pick a lane. Have interest in who they serve. Jesus Must be Lord, King and Savior. If they do not understand the basics of the cross, do not read the bible, do not pray, cant even discuss any part of theology after years of Christianity, they are just bystanders and not Christian. They simply placate God by showing up to church events. White washed.

    • Excellent post.

      Galatians 6:1-3

      1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

      2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

      3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.

  2. Dude, I’m going to call you out on this:

    “looked at porn in order to get the affirmation your wife wouldn’t give…”

    What does that even mean? Because porn gives nothing back to affirm a man.

    Seriously re-think excusing porn because a man isn’t being affirmed.

    • Dudette, I’m going to return your call on this:

      One thing that porn does is give a man an immediate sense of acceptance and affirmation, albeit artificial. A man doesn’t have to worry about his looks, his income, his relational skills, or anything, yet some hot woman is always there at his beckon call to gratify his wishes.

      I’m in no way excusing; I’m commenting on the lie that hooks a man in, then destroys him. Porn eventually destroys a man’s ability to have normal relationships, especially when they may require showing selfless love.

      • That is crazy. Nope, I don’t believe it for one minute that personal affirmation is received by viewing porn.

      • Are we using different definitions for affirmation? Would you prefer the word “acceptance”? Because it seems to me that either we are not using the same language. All I know is that I speak from experience.

      • I follow your meaning now that you explained it with examples. :-).

      • Angel, I don’t want to leave this until I have adequately covered the issue. I can tell that even the word pornography makes you sick, and it should, but rest assured I’m not trying to make excuses for it.

        Just to make sure I was not off with my own understanding of the word, I went to several dictionaries and looked up “affirmation.” The first definition, as with “affirm”, is to agree with someone that something is true, like checking a math problem and determining that the answer given is correct. But “affirmation” is also defined as the act of “support, or approval.” It is THAT definition to which I’m referring, and porn most certainly offers that to men through instant gratification. Would you like a quick example?

        Bob (just using the name) has been arguing for days with his wife. Both of them have forgiveness issues that need to be addressed, and a little prayer together would go a long way towards calming things down. Yet, because of the tension, Bob and his wife haven’t been intimate in a long time. One night, after everyone else is asleep, Bob is web-surfing on his iPhone and stumbles across a link to a porn site – it may have even come to him through a fake Facebook friend request. In a moment of frustration and weakness, Bob clicks on the link and is immediately aroused. He can’t seem to pull himself away.

        Beside him is a wife that loves him, but a human with her own issues. Like a lot of women, they know how to use sex to get what they want, even in marriage, and her cold shoulder sends a clear message – “Don’t even think of it until you apologize and I believe it.” Long story short, it takes work, emotional effort, admitting one’s wrong, and a level of intimacy which requires one crucify his pride. Pornography demands none of that; it just says, “I’m the most seductive thing you’ve ever seen, and you can have me any time you want – no conditions.”

        “With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it [is] for his life.” – Proverbs 7:21-23 KJV

      • Let me break it down for you how I see it: Porn doesn’t give anything back so by its nature it can not affirm in the way a human partner could.

        It also requires nothing from you, as a human partner would. It’s a zero sum situation of gratification without intimacy.

        To quote The Eagles, “Oh and it’s a hollow feeling…”

        My argument is that it’s not the wife’s fault for the husband using porn.

        It’s lust. Plain and simple. And we all war against it in the flesh.

        People might use the failings of others in their relationships to justify porn, but it all boils down to the lust of your own flesh.

        All that having been said, I’m a proponent of the wife 100% of the time saying yes. And not saying no for any reason at all.

        I wasted 15 years of marriage not understand that principle but once I got hold of it, my entire life changed. God poured our so many blessings when I truly started living I Cor. 7, without any exceptions.

        If wives would get a hold of this more, and stop expecting men to be perfect to earn sex in marriage, so many marriages would be stronger.

      • Thank you for your reply. Allow me to respond to a couple of things.

        First, I understand your sentiment regarding affirmation: porn can’t replace a real woman. (Oh, I just now got the notification that you replied again).

        As to who is responsible for seeking it out, yes, the man is guilty. However, it’s a complicated web, isn’t it? Actions (or inaction) have consequences, and 1 Cor. 7:5 applies to both the wife AND the husband.

        Ironically, maybe it’s the “liberal” in me (LOL), but I’m not exactly in the “without exceptions” camp. Yes, other men might call me crazy, but maybe it’s because I’ve been married 25 1/2 years …. maybe it’s because of all the female hormones that I’ve absorbed by osmosis after rearing 3 daughters… I don’t know. But when a woman has fibro, and when even hugging can cause pain, a man needs to learn a little sensitivity and respect.

        Regardless, there’s no excuse, no justification, no reason for porn that holds water. I will stand by that 100%

      • To add, yes, I do see what you mean with your longer and careful explanation of the word affirm. I appreciate your effort to exegete that!

  3. Melissa Zelniker-Presser

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot too lately. Open adultery. Christians doing this, saying it’s ok. How can you worship God and sleep in another man’s bed? I don’t understand it.
    Or glorifying divorce. The world is infatuated with it. The church has accepted it.
    What are we doing about it while our children suffer?

    • It seems I’ve struck a nerve. It’s a subject we’ve grown used to overlooking, yet the questions should make people stop and think – and fear! God is holy, and the marriage relationship is meant to be a picture of Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5). Satan wants desperately to mar, if not destroy the message of the marriage covenant and replace it with what mirrors the pluralistic culture of the day. Do Christians think He will not judge those who profane and corrupt what He has created to bring Him glory?

  4. I love the post. It points out an issue that’s been accepted by the world and some churches if they like to admit it or not. Like you, over adultery and divorce destroy friends and relationships. It’s because of this that I’m so passionate and telling those around me to fight against this very problem. I assume the same is true for you since the pain and heartache that follows has pushed you to make such a post against the adultery and divorce in our world. I continue to pray for you.

  5. Pingback: Day 47- Choose Your Own Mile – On the Pilgrim Road

  6. Maurice

    Very good writing. Many times I look at the same problem too. The funny thing is the spirit of pride that operate with some of those committing adultery. I don’t understand how it is clear in scripture and people desire to live in the sin of adultery when death can take place any time or Christ can put in His appearance any time.

  7. creationwrites

    Guilty of both physical and mental adultery prior to my conversion, but redeemed by virtue of true repentance and a surrendered will to the Lord Jesus. I praise Him for the miracle he worked in my heart and that of my loving wife, who also touched by heart of God found forgiveness in her heart for me.

    Nice topic and good points. Thanks for sharing

  8. Anthony you seem to have sparked off something that deserves closer attention. well done and great submissions from the followers. well done all.

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