Gotta Say It
Have you ever been in a room full of people… maybe even a few… and they were talking about something… something you’re passionate about… and they were either arrogantly boasting like they knew what they were talking about, or they were talking like there were no answers to the subject at hand… or, even worse, they were completely off their rocker with their conclusions?
And, if you’ve ever been in a room like that, have you ever gotten fed up to the point where you couldn’t take it anymore, stood up in your chair, and belted out, “OK, I gotta say something!”?
Well, that’s what I’m doing right now…
I’ve gotta say something.
Good and Bad
Today is Valentine’s Day (happy Valentine’s Day to you). It’s a day that, for me, always comes with a mixed bag of emotions and thoughts. For one, I’m glad we have a day that promotes the good things about being “in love” and the valuing of other people, especially women. For the record, it’s a holiday that is banned in several Muslim countries, including the Muslim districts of others, all because it’s considered a Christian holiday and overvalues women. Think about that for a second.
On the other hand, Valentine’s Day is rife with the stereotypical misrepresentations of true love and overflowing with encouragements to sin. And by sin, I mean fornication, adultery, lust, envy, you name it. The worst part is that it’s a day when the sexual aspects of relationships are elevated above everything else, including fidelity, trust, compassion, and selflessness.
So, it’s because of the subject matter of the day that I come to you, dear reader, to vent my frustration and hopefully offer some common sense and biblical wisdom.
Too Many
If there had been only one broken relationship, only one divorce, only one potentially devastated child come to my attention in the last couple of weeks, that would still be too many. Yet, just this week I’m looking at several couples and families being destroyed, or potentially destroyed, by adultery and divorce.
On that note, let’s get real and ditch the nice-sounding labels and socially-palatable descriptions of sin, shall we? Married people don’t have “affairs”; they commit adultery.
The word affair makes it sound like you’ve done nothing more than go out for a walk, picked up some coffee, then – oops! – somebody flirted! But whether or not you sipped a milkshake with somebody besides your spouse; looked at porn in order to get the affirmation your wife wouldn’t give; or told yourself he’d be better off with you than his wife, so you pushed his buttons until he undid yours… it’s ALL ADULTERY.
I’m seeing too many people who call themselves Christians shacking up, playing house, competing with spouses, sharing spouses, buttering up kids that don’t belong to them, and jumping under the sheets like it’s nothing more than a workout at the gym! Folks, it’s called fornication, adultery, greed, idolatry, and, if you want to be honest, murder (because you’re killing – putting “assunder” – what God has joined together).
What’s Even Worse
And get this! As if committing adultery wasn’t bad enough, there are those out there who do these things on a regular basis, then brazenly go to a place of worship!
Think about that… they are sexually active, committing adultery, and going to church together… in public… with no shame or regret. Does it ever occur to them that they are there to worship the Savior who died to save them from the wages of sin? That He bore their pet sin on the cross?
This is the very sin of which Jesus was speaking when he told the woman about to be stoned, “Go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).
And people wonder whether or not God is merciful! God killed Ananias and Sapphira for lying to the Holy Spirit (Acts 5), yet they use HIS house to play house? Do they think that God approves of this?
Blind, Hardened, and Lost
Why am I writing this? Because I am sick to my stomach. I’m heartbroken. People I love are playing with fire and risking the judgment of God.
I am fearful, also, because those who are doing these things are convinced they are right with God … saved, born again, going to heaven. They have assumed their ticket for the Glory Train has been punched, that their spot is secure, nobody’s perfect, and God is going to love them, anyway. Worst comes to worse, they will deal with the consequences when they come… then, when they are ready, “He is faithful and just to cleanse them from all unrighteousness.” …which, by the way, is the sin of presumption.
Dear friend, if this is you, I fear you’ve been blinded by the Enemy, your sinful heart has been hardened, and you are most likely lost without Christ and on your way to eternal destruction.
How Can I Say That?
Right now there are some of you who are probably thinking I’m some pulpit-banging, self-righteous preacher spitting and yelling at you. You might have a picture in your mind of a red-faced, polyester-suit-wearing, hateful wingnut pointing his finger at you and yelling “sinnerrrrr!” through gritted teeth.
But I’m not; I’m weeping for you! Because somehow, somewhere, you’ve forgotten some very important facts:
- “But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.” – Proverbs 6:32 NLT
- “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 NKJV
- “Marriage [is] honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” – Hebrews 13:4
- “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.” – James 4:4
You might also be convinced that since somewhere in the past you “got saved” or “became a Christian” that even if you regularly fornicate or commit adultery, your salvation is secure. If you are referring to “eternal security,” I believe in that!
However, it’s one thing to mess up and give in to temptation, be remorseful, repent, and ask God to forgive you; but continually and willfully living in outward disobedience to God is something altogether different and is evidence you’ve never been redeemed. If you are truly a new creation, old things are passed away (2 Cor. 5:17), and what is “new” will want to “keep my commandments” (John 14:15).
The FACT, as stated in the above Scriptures, is that adulterers and adulteresses are ENEMIES OF GOD and WILL NOT inherit the kingdom of God!
In other words, those people who are not born again believers in Jesus Christ, but deceived souls whose nature has never been changed (which is evident by their unrepentant, unashamed, unabashed regular actions that fly in the face of God’s clear commands) will, unfortunately, go to hell.
Am I perfect? No. I don’t pretend to be.
Do I sin? Yes. But I regret it every time and try to avoid the next time.
Blatant rebellion is not what I’m known for; I’m not characterized by it. I have a new nature that fights with the lusts of the flesh in which I live (Rom. 7:14-25), but until this “mortality puts on immortality” (1 Cor. 15:54), the struggle will always be difficult and real. Temptations are around every corner these days.
But if you call yourself a follower of Jesus; if you know what God has said about marriage and adultery; yet, you continue in your sin, like it’s no big deal, you might do well to reexamine your salvation.
“Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.” – 2 Corinthians 13:5 NLT
Because I care, I had to say something.
The Recovering Legalist 
not sure if my post went up or not. the site isn’t showing any comments.
Unfortunately Baptist reformed theology made up this Idea that someone cant loose their salvation.
I think its reasonable to think someone could be genuine and accept Christ, have a changed heart and live for him for years with some failures and acts against Christ in the process like Peter denying Christ… But still be a christian.
And I think its reasonable to think that someone might get caught up in a sin. People with changed hearts can abandon the faith. People can chose to love the world again. its the return to their vomit sort thing.
—
That said, lets not throw the baby out with the bath water. Like going to a grocery store, the lust of the flesh and lust of the eyes might get you filling your bag with sweets. That might be the adultery with that beautiful chick God made. It just means you failed a test and abandoned God and have been led away. It also might mean that you can be rescued. That someone can talk with you. That God can call to you a gainsayer and maybe he will get through. This is the whole reason for preaching, for bible reading, for christian music and for witnessing and intervention.
—
And we do not have to be mad to talk with someone, or make a huge confrontation. Simply spelling it out clearly and making someone aware allows them to change. How beautiful are the feet of those… The Good news is that reconciliation is the business God is in, and he provides the means, the method, and the spirit and people like yourself with the skills to rescue those out of the fire, out of the sinking ship.
—
Just one tip. It helps when you are trying to pull someone out of drowning. Don’t stand on their head.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with what you’re saying, for the most part. It really wasn’t my intent, however, to focus on the reality that people get caught up in a failure while still being a Christian. My purpose was to get people who are choosing to live in sin to consider why it’s a continual thing with them, not a failure now and again. It’s the continuing in sin that is a mark of someone who’s not been saved.
Now, what I question in your comment is the suggestion that Baptist reformed theology should be credited with the doctrine of eternal security. Do Reformed Baptists believe that way? Yes, they do. But I do, and I’m not Reformed.
By the way, I did send you a link to my arguments for eternal security. I don’t remember which post of yours it was on, however.
LikeLike
I have several baptist friends, a couple that are reprobate and figure they are saved, but are not.
But I agree with you that exposing and proclaiming truth to sin and asking why is it that they are doing it is necessary.
The thing is, Pride, will almost always win because of the embarrassment of being found out or exposed.
I believe their is a formula of addressing the pit falls like that so that people can get back into the ship.
I am watching Mr. Munk and he is so fussy that if you are dirty for example he is so distracted that he cant focus on the issues at hand. And that same sort of thing happens with these that do some obvious sins.
Lets say they are lonely, and shack up. They might see marriage as a formality. They might say, they are not sleeping around. They might say that a minister doesn’t make a person married, the heart does. In effect they might just be scared, but want the marriage but haven’t gone through with it… yet.
Because People are People, they have reasons, and some that are lame. I think some times people simply need to be told what normal is and that God expects this and its a deal breaker. And they have to pick a lane.
It could be that in good conscience they will pick a lane. The right one because they do love God. So I think its the job of leaders to feed the sheep, to guide, to instruct and to encourage people to read their bibles and to come out of the world and Love God Or end up being luke warm.
We can screw it all up and in a way sin ourselves by destroying their lives needlessly. Covering a sin or dealing with it in love is an act of kindness, that Jesus understands.
It reminds me of the king who forgave but the servant found someone who also had debt but then jumped to the jail part instead of taking it easy on the person who owed. Ergo the don’t step on the head of the person you are pulling from drowning.
Whats really Odd about bad people is, once in a while they surprise you. They take their life savings and pour it all over your feet and wipe your feet with their hair and wash your feet with their tears. Only minutes earlier they might have been selling a trick and maybe stabbed a guy…
I know that their is not much good in anyone, but Jesus still reaches out.
I think we should call a spade a spade but reach in love and if we must say it, say, what were you thinking! how could you fall into sin like that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Please understand, my post was not addressing bad choices and loving people back into fellowship. I was addressing those who sin as a pattern, not those who trip up.
The one who is truly born again can, unfortunately, commit adultery. A true Christian may get involved with all kinds of things that are wrong. But what I’m talking about is the one who perpetually seeks after that sin with no remorse, no regret, and yet claims to be a Christian. I am not judging that person’s salvation, but I am asking that person to do a self check.
Jesus made it clear that if we love him, we will keep His commandments. Those who love Him, often fail. But one who regularly breaks Christ’s commandments must reconsider his relationship.
I’ve talked to one of the people in my story several times about her salvation. She says she is a believer, but she can’t even give a basic explanation for how one is born again. That alone concerns me. But then when you add other actions that mirror one who’s never had a heart change, especially multiple adulterous relationships, I have to warn her that even though she may think she’s a Christian, maybe she is not. And that’s why we are told to “examine yourselves…”
And, yes, I know some Baptists who are little more than pagans. They’re probably as saved as snake, but they are convinced they’re right with God.
LikeLike
I agree with you totally. I get really worried when I talk with people who claim to be christian or born again and when asked they do not know what John 3:16 says or Romans 3;23 is or Galatians 3 or Exodus 20 or Romans 12:1 or any scripture. I am lucky if they can tell me the topic of Psalms 23.
Now their are lots of so called Christians that do not have Christianity. They do not have Christ. They do not have a conversion but they love to be saved but the love is superficial. They are the most kind and cordial people and many don’t sin the big sins, but to say they know Christ, that they hear his voice, that they have his spirit is a stretch.
Christians must pick a lane. Have interest in who they serve. Jesus Must be Lord, King and Savior. If they do not understand the basics of the cross, do not read the bible, do not pray, cant even discuss any part of theology after years of Christianity, they are just bystanders and not Christian. They simply placate God by showing up to church events. White washed.
LikeLike
Excellent post.
Galatians 6:1-3
1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dude, I’m going to call you out on this:
“looked at porn in order to get the affirmation your wife wouldn’t give…”
What does that even mean? Because porn gives nothing back to affirm a man.
Seriously re-think excusing porn because a man isn’t being affirmed.
LikeLike
Dudette, I’m going to return your call on this:
One thing that porn does is give a man an immediate sense of acceptance and affirmation, albeit artificial. A man doesn’t have to worry about his looks, his income, his relational skills, or anything, yet some hot woman is always there at his beckon call to gratify his wishes.
I’m in no way excusing; I’m commenting on the lie that hooks a man in, then destroys him. Porn eventually destroys a man’s ability to have normal relationships, especially when they may require showing selfless love.
LikeLike
That is crazy. Nope, I don’t believe it for one minute that personal affirmation is received by viewing porn.
LikeLike
Are we using different definitions for affirmation? Would you prefer the word “acceptance”? Because it seems to me that either we are not using the same language. All I know is that I speak from experience.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I follow your meaning now that you explained it with examples. :-).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Angel, I don’t want to leave this until I have adequately covered the issue. I can tell that even the word pornography makes you sick, and it should, but rest assured I’m not trying to make excuses for it.
Just to make sure I was not off with my own understanding of the word, I went to several dictionaries and looked up “affirmation.” The first definition, as with “affirm”, is to agree with someone that something is true, like checking a math problem and determining that the answer given is correct. But “affirmation” is also defined as the act of “support, or approval.” It is THAT definition to which I’m referring, and porn most certainly offers that to men through instant gratification. Would you like a quick example?
Bob (just using the name) has been arguing for days with his wife. Both of them have forgiveness issues that need to be addressed, and a little prayer together would go a long way towards calming things down. Yet, because of the tension, Bob and his wife haven’t been intimate in a long time. One night, after everyone else is asleep, Bob is web-surfing on his iPhone and stumbles across a link to a porn site – it may have even come to him through a fake Facebook friend request. In a moment of frustration and weakness, Bob clicks on the link and is immediately aroused. He can’t seem to pull himself away.
Beside him is a wife that loves him, but a human with her own issues. Like a lot of women, they know how to use sex to get what they want, even in marriage, and her cold shoulder sends a clear message – “Don’t even think of it until you apologize and I believe it.” Long story short, it takes work, emotional effort, admitting one’s wrong, and a level of intimacy which requires one crucify his pride. Pornography demands none of that; it just says, “I’m the most seductive thing you’ve ever seen, and you can have me any time you want – no conditions.”
“With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him. He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it [is] for his life.” – Proverbs 7:21-23 KJV
LikeLiked by 1 person
Let me break it down for you how I see it: Porn doesn’t give anything back so by its nature it can not affirm in the way a human partner could.
It also requires nothing from you, as a human partner would. It’s a zero sum situation of gratification without intimacy.
To quote The Eagles, “Oh and it’s a hollow feeling…”
My argument is that it’s not the wife’s fault for the husband using porn.
It’s lust. Plain and simple. And we all war against it in the flesh.
People might use the failings of others in their relationships to justify porn, but it all boils down to the lust of your own flesh.
All that having been said, I’m a proponent of the wife 100% of the time saying yes. And not saying no for any reason at all.
I wasted 15 years of marriage not understand that principle but once I got hold of it, my entire life changed. God poured our so many blessings when I truly started living I Cor. 7, without any exceptions.
If wives would get a hold of this more, and stop expecting men to be perfect to earn sex in marriage, so many marriages would be stronger.
LikeLike
Thank you for your reply. Allow me to respond to a couple of things.
First, I understand your sentiment regarding affirmation: porn can’t replace a real woman. (Oh, I just now got the notification that you replied again).
As to who is responsible for seeking it out, yes, the man is guilty. However, it’s a complicated web, isn’t it? Actions (or inaction) have consequences, and 1 Cor. 7:5 applies to both the wife AND the husband.
Ironically, maybe it’s the “liberal” in me (LOL), but I’m not exactly in the “without exceptions” camp. Yes, other men might call me crazy, but maybe it’s because I’ve been married 25 1/2 years …. maybe it’s because of all the female hormones that I’ve absorbed by osmosis after rearing 3 daughters… I don’t know. But when a woman has fibro, and when even hugging can cause pain, a man needs to learn a little sensitivity and respect.
Regardless, there’s no excuse, no justification, no reason for porn that holds water. I will stand by that 100%
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for hashing it out!
LikeLiked by 1 person
To add, yes, I do see what you mean with your longer and careful explanation of the word affirm. I appreciate your effort to exegete that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on a simple man of God.
LikeLike
I’ve been thinking about this a lot too lately. Open adultery. Christians doing this, saying it’s ok. How can you worship God and sleep in another man’s bed? I don’t understand it.
Or glorifying divorce. The world is infatuated with it. The church has accepted it.
What are we doing about it while our children suffer?
LikeLiked by 2 people
It seems I’ve struck a nerve. It’s a subject we’ve grown used to overlooking, yet the questions should make people stop and think – and fear! God is holy, and the marriage relationship is meant to be a picture of Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5). Satan wants desperately to mar, if not destroy the message of the marriage covenant and replace it with what mirrors the pluralistic culture of the day. Do Christians think He will not judge those who profane and corrupt what He has created to bring Him glory?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really appreciate you. This post was certainly Holy Spirit inspired. I have reflected on it all night and into this morning. In my post today, I felt the courage to speak the truth because of you, so thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m humbled. May hearts be changed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen
LikeLike
I love the post. It points out an issue that’s been accepted by the world and some churches if they like to admit it or not. Like you, over adultery and divorce destroy friends and relationships. It’s because of this that I’m so passionate and telling those around me to fight against this very problem. I assume the same is true for you since the pain and heartache that follows has pushed you to make such a post against the adultery and divorce in our world. I continue to pray for you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I appreciate that. It’s not an easy subject. Today I will preach from Ephesians 5.
LikeLike
I hope it goes well.
LikeLike
Pingback: Day 47- Choose Your Own Mile – On the Pilgrim Road
Very good writing. Many times I look at the same problem too. The funny thing is the spirit of pride that operate with some of those committing adultery. I don’t understand how it is clear in scripture and people desire to live in the sin of adultery when death can take place any time or Christ can put in His appearance any time.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Guilty of both physical and mental adultery prior to my conversion, but redeemed by virtue of true repentance and a surrendered will to the Lord Jesus. I praise Him for the miracle he worked in my heart and that of my loving wife, who also touched by heart of God found forgiveness in her heart for me.
Nice topic and good points. Thanks for sharing
LikeLiked by 2 people
Bless you. And thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the comment.
LikeLike
Anthony you seem to have sparked off something that deserves closer attention. well done and great submissions from the followers. well done all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for giving it a look. Blessings.
LikeLike
To many in the hyper grace/easy believism so called Christian community have adopted the sexual revolution as normal. This has led to the destruction of the nuclear family. We are seeing greater brake down of the family through rising divorce, out of wedlock pregnancy, abortions, blended families (causing great destruction to children) people living together. I believe God has removed his hand of protection on this nation and his judgement will begin to fall. Unless our nation (2nd Chronicles 7:14) repents and turns back to God, it will destroy itself. Great article thanks Brother!
LikeLike
Thanks for the comment and the encouragement.
LikeLike
Google brought me to your blog post. My husband left our 22 year marriage for a married coworker (who subsequently left her 15 yr marriage). My father in law, who I love dearly, recently told me about a young person in our family who has “rejected Jesus” and he said that she is going to hell. Wow. It really left me wondering if he thinks his own son is going to hell too. Or because my husband says he accepts Jesus as our Lord and Savior then he is not going to hell? These two (as you say) murdered two families and 9 kids, 2 spouses. They are wholly unrepentant and believe themselves to be victims. Zero remorse. You think my in-laws believe he’s going to hell?
LikeLike
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through! That’s horrible.
If you wouldn’t mind, can you help me understand what it is exactly that you are asking? Could you possibly rephrase the last sentence? That’s what is confusing me. I’ll give you the best answer I can.
LikeLike
Wait, I’m sorry. I think I understand, now.
LikeLike
Correct me if I am wrong, but what I think you are saying is that your father-in-law believes your ex-husband’s new woman is going to hell, but doesn’t seem to come to the same conclusion about his son. Am I getting that right?
LikeLike
Sorry for being confusing! I was googling to find out what evangelicals (not saying you are one, I don’t know!) believe about unrepentant adulterers going to hell. What prompted this is that my FIL and I were discussing my niece who has “rejected Jesus” (she is an 18 yr old who has had a hard life, so that’s not how I would characterize it) and FIL said she is going to hell. I was dumbfounded and wondered- does he think his son is also going to hell? I guess my husband (we are civilly divorced but still married in the Catholic Church) is still saying he believes Jesus is the Savior and he declares himself a Christian (?) So I’m wondering if my in laws who are all fundamentalist evangelical Christians believe that my husband (their son and brother) is going to hell…. or is he “covered by the blood of Christ”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You know, you are asking some very good questions, so I don’t want to assume anything on your part. If you wouldn’t mind, and if you have the time, AND since your are essentially anonymous, I’d like to unpack a few things in order to better understand not only what you and I believe, but what Scripture actually says.
To begin with, labels are kinda confusing and somewhat dangerous, as you might agree. Just because I call myself something doesn’t mean how I define that label is the same as others do. Am I an evangelical? I guess that’s all in how you define the term.
The word “evangelical” comes from the Greek word euangelion. An evangelist, technically speaking, is one who proclaims good news. That could be anything, but we mostly associate that with the “Good News,” the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Therefore, an “evangelical” is most often one who is open about his faith and seeks to tell others, thereby hopefully leading them to a life-changing personal relationship with Jesus. Unfortunately, “evangelicalism” has also been associated with some crackpot televangelists and money-grabbing schemes.
Also, when it comes to the word “fundamentalist,” there are also many bad things that come to mind. However, a true definition of the word is nothing more than one who is primarily concerned with the “fundamentals” of something rather than all the ancillary issues and arguments. This CAN be a good thing, especially when we unpack the Gospel and find out how simple and pure the “fundamentals” actually are.
As to who is going to hell and who is not, I’d like to give you a rather broad answer, but it’s not to avoid anything (you can ask for more specifics). We ALL deserve hell, regardless of divorce, cheating, abuse, lying, stealing, or whatever. Jesus made it perfectly clear that simply hating someone is the same as murder in God’s eyes, and lust is the equivalent of adultery in the heart! That being said, every one of us is a murdering adulterer in God’s eyes. That’s just TWO of the 10 commandments we’re talking about!
But the Gospel is the message that even though we are all sinners and equally deserving of hell (Romans 3:23), God loved us so much (John 3:16) that He made a way for our sins to be forgiven and for Him to still be the Righteous Judge that He is: Jesus went to the cross in our place! THIS is why it’s called GOOD NEWS!
Unfortunately, there are many Christians that think sins like adultery and divorce detract from God’s grace and the gift of salvation through faith in Christ. Some, like Catholics, believe that a “mortal sin” can simply erase one’s salvation. Maybe your in-laws believe that repeated and willful sin can lead to one losing his/her salvation. Personally, and I think Scripture testifies to this, I don’t believe that’s possible. That’s like saying just because my daughter commits murder she’s no longer my blood relative.
Whether or not someone “rejects” Jesus with their actions is not a realistic indicator of one’s true standing with Him. What matters most is that God said He is faithful, even when we are not. The key question to ask is if the new birth ever happened in the first place. Many, many people experience false conversions or grow up in families where Christianity is the culture, but never really personal. Often, for many who call themselves Christians, there has never been a true moment of conversion from death unto life. Often it is THAT group of people who are the ones who still wear the label but bring shame to the Name, because they never had the Spirit of God dwelling in them in the first place.
I know I’ve just unloaded a lot on you, but I felt led to tell you all this while I had the chance (we are not guaranteed tomorrow). If you have any questions, even if you disagree with me, I’m not going to argue or get mean with you if you choose to respond.
I hope this helps in some small way.
Anthony
LikeLike
Buttering up kids that don’t belong to them.This is so heartbreaking. The adulterer covets and steals whole families, and the church supports them. I am having to deal with this. Thank you so much for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with this post and will also add this: When Jesus says go and sin no more and a confessed Christian disobeys and does the opposite, this would be unbelief, therefore this person becomes a non believer and deceived, IF a believer believes the message of Jesus and he obeys, then he is a hearer, believer and a doer of His Word. therefore, they wouldn’t have any eternal negative consequences. This is what the bible teaches those who hear. If there isn’t conviction. there is unbelief. What about the scripture in 2 peter 2:20-22 where it says a man who escapes from the world and then turns back to it, that It would be worse than before for him to have known the way and then turn back to the world. He is crucifying Christ over again as it explains in Hebrews. The flirting should have been repented of and stopped as the sin that does not cause death because the future premeditated adultery surely would.
LikeLike
Thank you for the comment. I do appreciate it. However, I do differ with you on a few things you wrote. I will get back to you a little later, being that I’m about to go to church to get ready for this morning’s service. But, again, thanks for taking the time to comment.
LikeLike
Again, thank you, Cheryl, for commenting. Let me now take a moment to address a couple of concerns with your comment.
First, let’s look at “confessed Christian.” As you may know, there ARE people who claim the name of Jesus yet one day will hear Him say, “Depart, I never knew you.” Some people hear the commands of Jesus and certainly do the opposite. Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Obviously, there are some who claim (confess) Christ but are none of His. To this part of your comment, I would simply say that no one “became” an unbeliever; they were always unbelievers.
Secondly, if I understand how you are applying it, I have to take issue with the way you interpret Hebrews 6:6 (which is not uncommon). To be clear, in light of the surrounding verses, the writer of Hebrews is not suggesting that a person can lose his salvation, but the exact opposite. Actually, the whole point of the previous verses through verse 8 is the writer saying we need to get past some of those basic, elementary teachings you should have already learned, “for” (verse 4) it is impossible to crucify Christ all over again. In other words, once the sacrifice has been made, in order to be saved again, one would have to crucify Jesus again, and that can’t happen. Therefore, once a person is saved, he is saved. The only other thing one could deduce is that if one ever DID actually walk away and forfeit salvation, there’s NO coming back. However, I believe that “I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day” (2 Timothy 1:12).
LikeLike
Brother, I truly need you to pray for me. My husband cheated on me with a married woman. He has repented and remorseful and has tried to do what he can to help me heal but it’s been 3 years since I found out about his affair and I’m still having a hard time forgiving the other woman. She knew about me and continued to see him. I know it’s his fault this happened in the first place he owed me loyalty not her but she was also extremely cruel to me and was happy to throw the affair in my face. She is also unrepentant for committing adultery with my husband. To this day she still desires him. It baffles my mind that some people can hurt you so badly and not even care to apologize or take accountability for their actions. If anything they kick you when you’re down. I have really horrible thoughts about her. I find myself so angry that I begin to curse her and wish bad on her. I know this is not Christ like behavior but I can’t seem to get myself out of this deep dark place. I fear that I will go to hell because I don’t wish her well and I haven’t found it in my heart to forgive her or my husband. I think bitterness has taken root in me. Please pray for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Would you mind if my wife (and I) reached out to you privately by email? My heart breaks for you and I know anything I say here would be limited.
However, I would like to comfort you with the grace of Jesus Christ. Don’t feel like you will “go to hell” because you’re having problems forgiving. At this point I can assure you God wants to do nothing more than wrap His arms around you in love. Forgiveness is not easy, especially in your situation. Yet, understanding the meaning of true forgiveness is the only way you will get through this without a calloused heart.
LikeLike
This post struck a chord and brings the question of what must I do to forgive if my ex-spouse is totally unrepentant in their sin, continues to live with their mistress, and refuses to be kind in any communications. After initially making a decision to forgive my spouse in all circumstances, seven years later I am finding I am still not healed in any way and have developed a bitter heart. My ex-spouse was extremely cruel in our marriage and the scars are very deep. How does one forgive properly and get over the depth of hurt that happens in a marriage and adultery. All of our children are grown and live with me as they go through university and work and they also bear deep scars of seeing their father with the woman and yet not even bothering to give them the time of day. How can one forgive and move on when the other person is so adamant that all fault lies without. On top of that I don’t see the justice that God promised (Vengeance is mine…) and don’t understand why God did not answer my prayers for that person after many years of deep prayer and fasting. I don’t see how much more could have been done?
LikeLike
Kay, you are not the first and you will not be the last to have those questions. However, I would encourage you to hang on and trust in a loving and just God. For that matter, I recommend you meditate on Psalm 63:1-8.
One thing that makes forgiving difficult is this idea that true forgiveness must involve some form of forgetfulness, something that is supposed to make us willing to hug our offenders, pat them on the back, and say, “All is well.” Biblical forgiveness, however, is just not that way!
Kay, true forgiveness from you toward your ex-spouse should look like this… You give him over to God to deal with. You no longer seek or desire for his harm in any way. You realize that the One who has been offended the most is the God who shed His own blood to forgive the very sins your ex has committed. Regardless the consequences in this life, your ex will – he must – answer to the Lord, the King of glory, the Majesty of the universe. Your job is only to release him to your heavenly Father and His wisdom and move on without guilt.
As to your prayers not being answered, please understand that God will not force a change in one’s heart, only provide the means and the encouragement. If a person so chooses to reject the mercy and grace of God, then that’s on them, not you.
I am truly sorry for what you and your children have endured, but the end of the story has not yet been written (or at least read). May the God of comfort be with you.
LikeLike
hi brother please remove my email from this post. Thanks
LikeLike
Absolutely. Just did.
LikeLike
Reading the post and comments. My family has been torn to shreds from the sexual sin of the father who refuses to repent. And now two teenage sons have left the Lord to do the same, live in extreme sexual sin. They have been hurt and abandoned by their father for the other woman. I have grieved and sought the Lord on this. The Lord showed me Matthew 18 which gives clear steps to address this. We are to confront the person ourselves, then take two or three witnesses, then have nothing to do with them. I have followed those painful steps and still they remain unrepentant. But if the communities of God are not doing their part, we are in disobedience too. It is extremely rare to find two or three men willing to confront a brother to that degree. Pastors will blame the wife or some other sin, or say your marriage is none of their business, or tell you to forgive. In so doing, they participate in the lie that the adulterer is perpetuating. Jesus himself gave these steps to take. Paul boldly obeyed with the Corinthian man and handed him over to Satan to destroy the flesh to save the soul. Adultery requires extreme measures. The author is correct in calling it murder. It kills every single aspect of the family and is one of the most antichrist acts there is. I do thank you for not minimizing the seriousness of it. My heart bleeds daily watching the men and boys in my family heartlessly abandon everything good for sexual sin. I’m praying that the churches begin to take seriously their role in this. When your family has been destroyed overnight, you need your brothers and sisters in Christ to help you, not shy away.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We have a Baptist taught brother who claims to be saved and is shacked up with a (Pentecostal woman,supposedly) and says that he knows he is saved and going to heaven and that he knows living like that is wrong but he isn’t going to do anything about it. We have separated ourselves from them he will not listen.
LikeLike
Hello, Bonnie. Thank you for the comment and I apologize for only just now seeing it and responding. It’s totally my fault.
With regard to your Baptist brother (or at least taught by Baptists), that’s an all-too-common scenario. It is impossible to know the man’s true spiritual state, but it does make one wonder, doesn’t it? So many people say they know that they are saved and going to heave, yet they never experienced a legitimate conversion. Because of that, they have no sense of conviction or remorse. At the very least, there’s more of a love of self than a love for Jesus. That’s not a good sign.
It was probably the right thing to separate yourselves from him. Too often people like him cause others to become so comfortable with the idea of fornication and adultery that they begin to accept it and no longer recoil from it.
LikeLike
My question is what of an unrepentant spouse who is unwilling to change and be contrite , and flaunts the infidelity constant on the cheated spouse, what then should this spouse do
LikeLike
what should the offended spouse do if the spouse is unrepentant in their adultery and also says they are not afraid of adultery
LikeLike
The Baptist Church that I attended for over 35 years is now not only letting two people who have been shacking up for years, the man is allowed to run the audio in church, and the woman is on the church council. The woman is a member of the the church and is also the church janitor. Both were confronted about their adulterous lifestyle by the previous Pastor but paid no attention to him. I have seen this Church go down to almost nothing but no one seems to care. I cannot be a part of this, I have expressed my views and it seems like I am the bad guy. I hate to see a church that was Biblically sound go down like it is.
LikeLike
Oh wow. That breaks by heart. That’s just sad.
LikeLike
Thank you for this.
When I, by the grace of God, became a Christian I did not realise that I was in a liberal church, which downplayed the seriousness of sin, and I am ashamed to say that I was not reading Scripture to any depth.
We all need to be reminded of what God, not human beings, says about sexual sin.
Bless you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I appreciate this post. I accepted Christ when I was 11, but by 17, I began living in disobedience. I married 3 times, committed adultery while allowing myself to think that I deserved second chances. Each relationship ended in misery. I allowed myself to be convinced that all I had to do was say that I was sorry and my sins were wiped away. Something always ate at me, though. I was still living wrong, deceiving myself. I wish I could go back to my 17 yo self and redo my life. I would choose to be obedient. Now? I’m 55 and deeply regret that disobedience. I now choose not to date. I choose a single life. I choose repentance and hope God hasn’t turned his back. I most certainly deserve it. It makes me profoundly sad to be alone, but I’d rather be alone than to continue an ungrateful, wretched, sinful life in disobedience believing my own lies.
LikeLike
My heart breaks for you. I’ve got different regrets of disobedience, but I know where you’re coming from. I’m blessed to have a wife that didn’t leave me when she could have, but I didn’t make it easy for her to stay.
If you don’t mind, I will address a couple of things you wrote. To begin with, after 3 failed marriages it would be very wise to remain single, at least for a good while. I have no idea what caused them, but even one divorce usually takes two people messing up in their own ways. In your case, before you even think about another relationship, I’d recommend you find a mature Christian marriage counselor to talk with. You need to make sure you’ve done an honest evaluation of yourself and take ownership of the role you played in any of the broken relationships.
Secondly, I don’t believe God has turned his back on you. You can never be too far gone for the Lord to run to you (see the story of the prodigal son).
And the last thing, it never hurts to reevaluate your own faith and salvation. The Apostle Paul suggested as much in 2 Corinthians 13:5 (NLT), “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith.”
This article is the most read ever. Thousand of people have read this over the years. So, you must not be alone. Thankfully, God’s mercies are new every morning. It’s a new day.
God bless
LikeLike
Thank you for the advice. I would certainly appreciate any suggestions for an online counselor. I don’t think there are any around my little town.
LikeLike