Biscuits, Jelly, and Legalism

Here’s the deal…

One can easily make rash judgments about people based on certain actions. A legalist will look at those actions and come to the conclusion that the ones being judged are in need of spiritual growth, revival, or maybe total repentance. How then should a “recovering legalist” judge, if at all, people who can’t get your biscuit order right?  Ever!

one sausage biscuit

Image via Wikipedia

For years I have been going to Hardee’s for breakfast. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t go there every day, just once in a while. Usually, I order a chicken or sausage biscuit with cheese and a cup of coffee. That is my standard, but occasionally I order a jelly biscuit, too. I get the jelly biscuit many times for my wife. But no matter how many times I go to the drive-through window, the outcome is always the same:

Speaker:   Hello, welcome to Hardee’s, would you like to try our new gravy-covered, bacon-stripped, egg-wrapped, ham-filled, spicy jalapeño, smoked sausage biscuit breakfast meal?

Me:   No, thank you. I would like a jelly biscuit and a medium coffee, please.

Speaker:   Would you like to make that a combo and add hashrounds, a larger size drink, a bigger bag, more calories, and a bigger bill?

Me:  No, thank you; just the jelly biscuit and coffee.

Speaker:   Would you like to add one of our new multi-fruit, caramel and nut covered, sugar-dipped, candy biscuits?

Me:   No…thanks.  Just a biscuit with butter on it and two packs of jelly (for the jelly biscuit), and the coffee.

Speaker:   Will that be all?

Me:   Yes.

Speaker:   Is your complicated, hard-to-understand order correct on our high-tech, flashy, electronic order-confirming screen?

Me:   Yes, it is.

Speaker:   Ok. Please drive around to the next window, please (2 please’s are always nice).

So, I drive around to the window to pick up my simple order of a jelly biscuit and coffee. How hard could it be? The sign that I was just looking at had all the stuff this place is supposed to sell, including, for $.99, a JELLY biscuit. Did I say, JELLY BISCUIT?

I get to the window, and then an older lady (at least she looks older, but her hard-living lifestyle has probably made her look like a sweet, old granny, even though she’s 23) leans through with my coffee. Got it….coffee….just like I ordered.

Next, after taking my money, I am handed a greasy, paper bag containing the simple (or maybe complicated) order of a JELLY BISCUIT.  Granny says, “Thank you, sweetie. Have a nice day and come back!” I then look in my bag which is supposed to contain Hardees’ completed portion of our transaction.

I stop my car….sigh….mutter something under my breath….bang my head on the steering wheel…..and do just what granny asked….

I go back!

When you order a JELLY BISCUIT, shouldn’t you expect blankity-blank JELLY?!!

Back to the window I go to get my jelly for my JELLY biscuit.  2 PACKS!  Window opens:

Granny:  Can I help you, dear?

Me:   Yes, I need jelly.  I ordered a JELLY biscuit, and there was no JELLY in the bag.

Granny:   Oh, I’m sorry, you have to ask for the jelly.

Me:   (Look of disbelief, feelings of high blood pressure not caused by the high-sodium content of the biscuit I have not yet consumed…because I didn’t get any JELLY for a JELLY BISCUIT!) Really? Well can I have 2 packs of strawberry?

Granny:   How many do you want, sweetie?

Me:   TWO.

Granny:  Here you go, sweetie. Now you come back!

I do go back, but I don’t know why. Maybe I just have a big heart for the “order-taking” challenged.

All I want is a jelly biscuit with, oh, I don’t know……..JELLY!

Obviously, someone at Hardee’s needs to get their heart right with the Lord…or am I being too legalistic? Maybe I need to show a little more grace. Maybe I need to do as some have suggested and just have a stash of jelly with me at all times, just in case.

Or maybe, I should keep in mind the words of Proverbs 10:12,  “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins,” and just keep my jelly-mongering to myself and “granny.”

I really like Hardee’s……..but anyone claiming to be right with God should automatically give JELLY with a JELLY biscuit….it’s the LAW!  Isn’t it?

Oh well, see…..living a life of grace isn’t always easy……sometimes you have to eat your biscuits plain.

 

UPDATE: I wrote the above piece in 2011. This morning I went to Hardee’s and ordered a Jelly Biscuit. The order-taking lady asked, “Do you want any jelly with that?” Amazing, isn’t it?

6/27/15…It happened again. 

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4 Comments

Filed under America, Food, legalism

4 responses to “Biscuits, Jelly, and Legalism

  1. That is why I hate drive-thrus. Most of the time I go in and order it to go. Makes it easier to get fixed if they do it wrong.

    In my case, it is usually the tea. I like unsweetened iced tea, and sometimes they give me sweetened (aka dirty sugar water), instead.

  2. I would quote Joe Pesci from Lethal Weapon 3 but the legalist in me won’t let me do that.

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