Tag Archives: Allergies

My Allergy Will Be Gone!

My daughter Katie is allergic to a list of things, and although the list is not a long one, it does include bacon, so she does deserve our pity.

On the other hand, our young and uber-talented pianist at church, Olivia, has list of allergies longer than the strings on a Steinway concert grand! Seriously! Let’s just put it this way: just listening to the song “99 Balloons” could kill her.

But for me, I’m allergic to nothing… well, almost nothing. I’m not allergic to any foods, liquids, or chemicals; I don’t reach for an EpiPen whenever I see a bee; nor do I provide a list of medicines that could kill me should I visit a doctor.

I am, however, allergic to one thing… PAIN. The following are symptoms I experience when I receive a dose of pain, each one varying based on the length or intensity of exposure:

  • Immediate onset of watery eyes, the accumulating result being streams of salty fluid running down my face.
  • Widening of the eyes.
  • Convulsions of the hand and fingers, usually in conjunction with flailing arms and connecting concussions with inanimate objects.
  • Mental delusions, temporary insanity, and near-death experiences.
  • Random bouts of temporary-onset Tourette Syndrome.

Some people say “pain is weakness leaving your body.” To those people, I say, “Go eat a worm.”

Unfortunately, barring being put into a coma – and that’s no guarantee – I will have to suffer with my pain allergy until the day I die. There is no known cure on this earth, only items meant to temporarily mask or lessen the effects of the allergic reaction.

But someday… one day… I will have a new body! No more pain allergies for me!

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. – Rev 21:4 KJV

No allergy shots in Heaven!

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Filed under Life/Death

Happy President’s Day! Pass the Kleenex

Nothing much has changed in the last 5 years since I first made this little video.

Wait a cotton-pick’n minute! What am I saying?? Plenty has changed in the last five years!

  • I’ve gained weight
  • My wife has lost weight
  • I started pastoring my 3rd church
  • One of my daughters survived 3 years of finals, even though she swore each year she would die.
  • We had a record-setting presidential election – and some of us survived.
  • I went from driving a cool car to driving a mini-van.
  • My 49-year no-bug-eating streak came to an end.

But what has not changed is that people are still getting sick, especially with the typical seasonal allergies, colds, and flu’s that are spread around every year around this time.

While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease. – Genesis 8:22

Therefore, even though the following video was made 5 years ago, it’s still perfectly applicable for today 🙂

Enjoy!

(P.S. Yes, the flag is hanging inappropriately, but what does a monkey know? The stars should be on the left.)

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Filed under America, Monday Monkey