7 Reasons to Choose a Bald Pastor

Looking for Leadership?

Has your church congregation been looking for a pastor? If so, you’re not alone; many churches, large and small, are in a crisis of leadership these days.

And now that congregations of every size, because of COVID-19, are prohibited to meet, it’s got to be even more difficult for churches without pastors to find one. After all, would you really want to watch his trial sermon on Facebook Live?

Nevertheless, when Cyrus the Virus finally lets God’s people return to their respective temples, be aware that there is a quick way you can start narrowing down the resumes: Make sure the man is bald.

Below is a list of seven (7) reasons bald men make better pastors.

WARNING: The following list works best with complementarian congregations. Bald egalitarian pastors tend to imitate Brittany Spears or Sinéad O’Connor, which can contribute to reduced membership and fewer riders on the float in the Gay Pride parade.

7 Reasons Why Bald Pastors Are Better

  1. A bald pastor never has to go to a barber or hair salon. Why is this a good thing? He can save anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars a year, thereby reducing the need to pay a higher salary. Also, a manly pastor should never set foot inside a hair salon.
  2. Bald pastors are more hygienic.  “And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he [is] bald; [yet is] he clean.” – Leviticus 13:40
  3. Bald is a sign of leadership. As it has been said before, “The reason some men are bald is that they have their heads out the window driving this planet.” Bald pastors aren’t afraid to lead through the storms of life…unless they wear a wig.
  4. Bald pastors have more brains. Seminary is helpful, but pastors without hair have already demonstrated that their brains have left no room for follicles.
  5. Bald pastors never get into disagreements with dissenters. Just think, no church fights; no church splits; no angry deacons or pushy purse-string holders! No, God just sends bears down from the woods…problems solved. And you get a circus-like act for free (2 Kings 2:23-24)!
  6. Bald is beautiful! Isaiah 52:7 declares, “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings…” And since God only shows off the more perfect of His cranial creations, why not hire the complete beauty package? Beautiful from head to toe!
  7. Church buildings remain safe. Just think, having a bald pastor means never having to worry about his righteous indignation turning into a Samson-like catastrophe (which, of course, could drastically reduce insurance costs).

Quarantines and the culture of social distancing can take their toll, so…

Be thankful for your bald pastor, but even MORE if he has a sense of humor! 

8 Comments

Filed under baptist, blogging, Humor, ministry, Preaching

8 responses to “7 Reasons to Choose a Bald Pastor

  1. I think you better up your dose of Zanax, youre off your rocker. You are proving Leadership is in short supply. ( you had it coming.)

  2. So this partially deaf guy goes to the doctor to talk about how fast he is losing his Hair.
    The Doctor says, what are the symptoms?
    The Guy says, Holmer is a balding fat white dude who drinks duff beer and Marge is a lady with tall blue hair.

  3. You know Mr. Potato head was Don Rickles.

  4. Anthony, good post. Those are 7 very legitimate reasons for placing you head and shoulders above shorter candidates. However, I recommend adding another, “and besides, I have emulated Paul’s example by consecrating my life with a solemn vow.”

  5. I totally agree with your assessment, Anthony. God only created so many perfect heads that don’t need to be camouflaged with hair. Be well brother.

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