Feedback Needed! Don’t Be a Snotty Susie!

The following is an excerpt from a new book I am trying to complete within the next few days. It will be called Life Lessons from the School Bus. Let me know what you think. Marketable? Funny? Gets the point across? 

“Losing Marbles”

Once there was a little girl on my bus who cried over everything, especially when she didn’t get her way.  She ended up losing her marbles.

Snotty Susie

One morning this little girl – let’s just call her “Snotty Susie” – was crying about how everybody hated her.  Seriously, not two minutes after getting on the bus she started in with her caterwauling (the howling or wailing noise a cat makes). For the next 15 minutes the rest of the kids tried to console her, but all she kept saying through the sniffing, slobbering and crying was “Nobody wants to be my friend! Everybody hates me! WAAAAAH!

Fortunately, we reached the elementary school before everyone went deaf from the crying. Then, just as “Snotty Susie” was stepping off the bus, a little boy who had gotten off in front of her looked back and said, “Nobody hates you, Susie; we just don’t like you.”

At least the little guy was being honest.

The Great Giveaway

Well, that afternoon, when the elementary kids were getting on the bus to go home, “Susie” got on first and sat on the front row. “Would you like a marble, Mr. Baker?” she asked. “No,” I said, “I have plenty.”

What kind do you have?” she asked. “The round kind,” I replied.

Then, as the other children entered the bus, just as soon as they walked past her, she would ask, “Would you like a marble? You can have it for keeps. EVERYONE! Get your FREE marble, if you WANT one!

I asked, “What are you doing? Why are you giving away your marbles?” She said, “Because I am going to MAKE them like me.

Honestly, I felt sorry for the poor little girl. No one had ever taught her how to make friends.

Life Lesson

When we treat people poorly, and then try to buy their friendship with shiny trinkets, we end up losing our marbles.

“Snotty Susie” usually had a bad attitude about everything. She regularly talked mean to other kids, made fun of them, and then cried out in emotional pain when someone wasn’t nice to her. No one wanted to be her friend because she was NOT friendly! She couldn’t even buy friends for a day.

The saddest part was that I picked up a handful of marbles after all the children got off.

Route Suggestions

  • King Solomon said, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly” (Proverbs 18:24). How can you be nice to someone today?
  • Don’t try to buy your friends. If you do, you’ll just go broke (marble deficient) trying to keep them.
  • Don’t let anyone buy YOUR friendship. Be a real friend to somebody who’s a marble short.

[UPDATED IN AN ATTEMPT TO BE LESS SOPHOMORIC. I HOPE IT WORKED.]

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10 Comments

Filed under book review, Humor, Life Lessons

10 responses to “Feedback Needed! Don’t Be a Snotty Susie!

  1. I like it. My only worry would be that Snotty Susie might be too identifiable and irate parents might turn up on your doorstep with a lawyer.

  2. Anonymous

    Hello Mr. Baker! I usually appreciate your writing quite a lot, but something about the description of this incident seems sophomoric. Not to mention that the details don’t line up, home from school…nobody was deaf by the time you reached the elementary. The lesson is sound but your humor isn’t quite making its usual mark. Just trying to be helpful.

    • Hmmmm. Sophomoric? Details don’t add up? Don’t understand the “deaf” part? I will take all that into consideration, but have you ever been on a school bus with 40 kids 5th grade and younger? They are LOUD!

      But seriously, thank you for taking the time to comment. What could I do to make the humor better?

      • I finally found the “detail” about “home from school” that didn’t add up. Yes, that will need to be fixed. When I was trying to recall the story I first thought it happened in the afternoon that the little girl was crying, but I was wrong; it was in the morning on the way to school.

    • I have another story about “puke.” Now THAT might be truly sophomoric, considering the subject matter 😉

  3. Anonymous

    Trust in the Lord in all things…… with much Prayer…..

  4. As one very familiar with school kids of many ages, I found this touchingly realistic and just humorous enough. This self-sabotaging kids have no clue–if they did, they’d would have friends. Are there a couple of concrete actions you could briefly describe in your Route Suggestions, items 2-3? Also, in the 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence, a word is omitted: “getting on the bus to she started in with her caterwauling….” Did you mean the bus to school?
    Blessings to you and your book!

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