pronouns | The Recovering Legalist

Tag Archives: pronouns

by Anthony Baker | December 29, 2022 · 10:13 am

Let’s Talk Pronouns

You know, it’s been a while since my last contribution, but you can chalk that up to new living and working conditions, along with much more time spent on my new YouTube channel.

But here I am, an hour and fifteen minutes away from time to walk out the door, so why not address one of the big topics of the day?… PRONOUNS.

Before I offer any advice, we should back up for a second and look at the definition of the word.

pronoun

■ noun a word used instead of a noun to indicate someone or something already mentioned or known, e.g. I, she, this.
—ORIGIN Middle English: from PRO-1 + NOUN, suggested by French pronom, Latin pronomen (from pro- ‘for, in place of’ + nomen ‘name’).

Catherine Soanes and Angus Stevenson, eds., Concise Oxford English Dictionary (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004).

It’s only when you get into the kaleidoscope personal pronouns that things get crazy – and yes, I used that word.

I mean, it’s one thing to learn the proper usage of words that already exist, but when people just start making up words, it’s nearly impossible to avoid offending someone!

So, I have a suggestion. Why not go back to biblical (as in KJV style) English of centuries ago? Let’s start referring to people as “thee” and “thou.”

But what about when we are talking about thee in the third person? Oh, I got that, too!

We could use words like the one, the ones, the fool, the sinner, the Gentile, the lost, the one vexed by demons, or even the one in darkness.

Here is an example of how that could work:

Three people are standing in the mall. One is eating godly food and drinking sweet tea from a certain chicken restaurant, while the others are eating warm sushi and drinking bubble tea.

Girl(?) with blue hair says, “Hello, my name is Brill and I identify as a bug.”
Guy(?) standing next to the bug says, “Hello my name is Susan, and you look hot in your black sport coat and jeans. What’s your name and what pronouns to you prefer?”
I respond in the following way. I reply with, “Thou art kind for noticing. I thank thee,” then ask the one with blue hair, “Did thou say that thou art a bug?”
“Yes,” answers the blue-haired one vexed with demons, “and my preferred pronouns are bug, bug’s, and bzzzt.”
“Get thee behind me, Susan,” I exclaim! “There’s a 5-foot insect about to steal thine sticky fish flesh!” Then, calling upon my exterminator skills, I spray Raid in the bug’s face and proceed to stomp her when she falls to the ground.

Or, I could just refuse to play the game and use the language that reflects reality.

What think thou?

Oh Look! It’s a…

Good morning, friends! It’s Friday!

(cue the OLD Rebecca Black song – the remake is vulgar and sick).

Like I said in a previous post, I am not writing as much due to a lot of other responsibilities and the deadline I’m facing for my degree. However, as I was waking up this morning a thought crossed my mind that I thought I would share with you.

But be warned: this may trigger somebody.

Humans and Animals

I am not an atheist nor an evolutionist. On the other hand, I am keenly aware that many, many are. And what I have heard from so many of them is that humans are no different than any other animal. Am I wrong? Is that not what they say?

Now, to a certain degree I would agree with them. And I would hope that they would have a good explanation for things like altruistic love, self-awareness, higher purpose, and the fact that 99.9% of us don’t eat our young.

But there is something more basic that we all do, creationist and atheist alike… We check our puppies and kittens the same way. Keep reading.

Puppies and Kittens

It doesn’t have to be just dogs and cats; it could be a whole zoo full of critters. The point I am going to make is that whatever it is, when we first pick them up, we almost always ask a basic, fundamental question: Is it a boy or a girl?

Granted, the way you check chickens and snakes might be different, but when it comes to most animals, especially little dogs and kittens, you pick them up, lift their tail or look at their belly, and search for a puppy pencil (penis).

If you don’t see anything protruding, you say, “It’s a little girl!” If you see a lipstick case, you say, “Oh, look! It’s a boy!”

Modern Puppies and Kittens

The problem we are having now is that any time we pick up the little yard animals to check if they are boys or girls (male or female), we are running the risk of being sued by the kennel.

You see, even though you pick up a puppy and may immediately see the lid off the lipstick, assuming that puppy is a boy is an act of violence – you are attacking it with your pronouns. Fact is, regardless the genitalia, we have no way of knowing how that puppy or kitten identifies. We must wait until it squats or hikes its leg before we fill out its papers.

Further complicating things, there’s the issue of breeding. How many times have we simply assumed that putting a “male” and “female” whatever into a box would result in a litter of look-a-likes? Fact is, many of those times we did this with our German Shepherds and didn’t get a “match,” the problem might have been an offended, pronoun-assaulted hound with unrecognized identity issues!

Animals, or Not?

So, that brings me back full circle to the Creationist/Atheist comment. Are we animals, or not? If so, if we are no different from the rest of the cast of “Lion King,” singing “The Circle of Life” as we accept our fate as feline food, then why all the confusion? Why not just call it when you see it?

Personally, I think we are more than simply animals, just as I believe we were created in the image of God, similar in many ways, but distinct from the rest of the animal kingdom.

It’s just that either way – made in God’s image as male and female or nothing more than bipedal, hunting/gathering apes – there’s little basis for kennel to be co-ed.

Those are my thoughts for this Friday. Have a great weekend!