You know, it’s been a while since my last contribution, but you can chalk that up to new living and working conditions, along with much more time spent on my new YouTube channel.
But here I am, an hour and fifteen minutes away from time to walk out the door, so why not address one of the big topics of the day?… PRONOUNS.
Before I offer any advice, we should back up for a second and look at the definition of the word.
■ noun a word used instead of a noun to indicate someone or something already mentioned or known, e.g. I, she, this.
—ORIGIN Middle English: from PRO-1 + NOUN, suggested by French pronom, Latin pronomen (from pro- ‘for, in place of’ + nomen ‘name’).
Catherine Soanes and Angus Stevenson, eds., Concise Oxford English Dictionary (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004).
It’s only when you get into the kaleidoscope personal pronouns that things get crazy – and yes, I used that word.
I mean, it’s one thing to learn the proper usage of words that already exist, but when people just start making up words, it’s nearly impossible to avoid offending someone!
So, I have a suggestion. Why not go back to biblical (as in KJV style) English of centuries ago? Let’s start referring to people as “thee” and “thou.”
But what about when we are talking about thee in the third person? Oh, I got that, too!
We could use words like the one, the ones, the fool, the sinner, the Gentile, the lost, the one vexed by demons, or even the one in darkness.
Here is an example of how that could work:
Three people are standing in the mall. One is eating godly food and drinking sweet tea from a certain chicken restaurant, while the others are eating warm sushi and drinking bubble tea.
- Girl(?) with blue hair says, “Hello, my name is Brill and I identify as a bug.”
- Guy(?) standing next to the bug says, “Hello my name is Susan, and you look hot in your black sport coat and jeans. What’s your name and what pronouns to you prefer?”
- I respond in the following way. I reply with, “Thou art kind for noticing. I thank thee,” then ask the one with blue hair, “Did thou say that thou art a bug?”
- “Yes,” answers the blue-haired one vexed with demons, “and my preferred pronouns are bug, bug’s, and bzzzt.”
- “Get thee behind me, Susan,” I exclaim! “There’s a 5-foot insect about to steal thine sticky fish flesh!” Then, calling upon my exterminator skills, I spray Raid in the bug’s face and proceed to stomp her when she falls to the ground.
Or, I could just refuse to play the game and use the language that reflects reality.
What think thou?