Tag Archives: NCIS

Please Explain Yourself, Bro. Paul, Cause I’m Hurt’n

“Bodily Exercise Profiteth Little”

I hope that is only a play on words, Bro. Paul! I hope that was a relative statement, Mr. Apostle; because if not, this “bodily exercise” I am doing is making me question my investment. What do you mean by “little?”

Brother Paul, did you not say in your first letter to Timothy, “…bodily exercise profiteth little…?” I believe you did. You went on to say that godliness was better because it “[was] profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.” – 1 Timothy 4:8 But what I really want to know is what exactly do you mean by “little?” Are you saying it is not worth doing?

What I’m Doing Hurts

It is the first day of summer, and I am in pain all over my body. My feet hurt. My back hurts. My legs hurt. The follicles in my scalp where hair should be even hurt. Because I have taken upon myself the responsibility to beat my body into shape, the exercise that it has endured has resulted in blaring protests from my muscles.

Just the other day, in order to prove I am serious about losing weight and getting into better shape, I reluctantly agreed to play with my kids on the Wii. Not that this was anything new, but the game they chose was something I had never done before in real life, much less on a game console. They MADE me twirl hula hoops!

After a few minutes of embarrassing hip gyrations which were unscrupulously caught on a camera phone, I feel like I have a hernia. There is no glamor in explaining that the reason for you pain is a hula hoop injury. I’ve heard of tennis elbow, but never hula gut. Is it worth it? Surely there’s some profit.

What I’m Doing Costs Money

When one decides to invest his time and money into something, he usually expects some kind of return. When this person invests in a Total Gym, a new bicycle, nasty food, and hours that could have been spent sitting comfortably in front of a TV watching NCIS, he hopes the profit is more than just a “little.”

I’m Hoping to Live Longer, Too

Isn’t life valuable, Paul? Without all of this heart-strengthening, calorie-burning “little” stuff, I would probably end up looking like Jabba the Hut and die before the Braves win another World Series. Are you saying that a few more years with my family and the ministry are insignificant? Just like Bill Murray said in the movie Scrooged, “I wanna live! I wanna live!”

I Know, I Know…

I get it, Brother Paul. What you are saying is that compared to godliness, compared to keeping our spirit in shape, keeping the body in shape with exercise is not as important. But what you are NOT saying is that exercise is unimportant. Right?

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? – 1 Corinthians 6:19

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service. – Romans 12:1

Because my body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, it is therefore a tool dedicated for God’s use. It is not my own. It belongs to the Lord. It is my responsibility to take care of it, or risk it being out of commission when it is needed to carry His Word to those who are lost.

Exercise has its place, even a spiritual place, when we consider that staying in shape can contribute to the work of the Lord. But the real point is that this body will one day fall apart, break down, and die. The life-span of this body is very finite; but eternity is forever. There is not much profit to be had in investments that eventually return to dust; however, there is great rewards to be had when we are obedient.

The next time I’m tempted to complain about how hard it is to work out, or how embarrasing it is to get hurt while doing the twist with a virtual hoop, somebody remind me that compared to a mountain, an elephant is little. Why? Because bodily exercise may profit me little compared to some things, but a little can still be a lot.

I need some Ibuprofen. Anybody got an ice pack?

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Filed under Christian Living, fitness

Pictures, Puke, and Payback

The Preface

Recently, like this morning, I was giving some thought to using images from the web on my blog. Some pictures that I have used are in the public domain. Others are ones that I have taken with my own camera. However, most are others which I have pulled from Google Images and linked back to the original poster/photographer…most of the time.

Well, in an effort to better comply with the Fair Use Act, not to mention avoid copyright infringement, I am going to ween myself of such abuse, intentional or not, by DRAWING my images…..at least for this post.

The Start of the Story

There must be a virus going around. It either started with an episode of “NCIS” that showed two of the lead characters, Ziva David and Tony DiNozzo, sifting through the puke of drunks; or it started after everybody in the city ate at the same Chinese resturant. I really have no idea. All I know is that there is something causing people everywhere to start throwing up.

The Nasty Part

Just yesterday, my wife called me on her cell, her voice high-pitched and quivering, “Anthony (it’s never good when she calls me by name), Haley just threw up…in the car…and it is bad! What should I do?” I responded with a suggestion sure to go down in the annals of history as one of the most logical and reasonable statements known to man….”Clean it up!

Oh, Honey (now she calls me ‘Honey’), it’s all over…the seat…the dash….the carpet……..the window and door…and it smells reeaaalllyy bad!

Does anyone want an old Cadillac? How do you clean a mess like that? Fortunately, for some reason, like as if she was transporting a toddler with a potty-training problem, Valerie thought to bring a change of clothes (for Haley) and some cleaning wipes.  Unfortunately for the Cadillac, it now smells like puke AND diaper wipes. Honestly, you could probably get it cheap.

The Worst Part

I put my bus in gear (I had stopped to talk on the cell phone), drove to the elementary school, then picked up my 25+/- kids. Wouldn’t you know it, as soon as they got on one yelled, “Eeewww! Somebody puked!

One of the problems with children regurgitating on a school bus is that you have multiple other children with weak stomaches. Need I say more?

The Payback Part

So, now I have a Cadillac and a bus flowing with virus-laden, acid-laced chicken soup.  It happened again on the bus this morning. I blame it Obama. Why? Why not? It’s either that, or it’s payback for my wife having to clean the car and the daughter on the side of the road.

Yep, I’ll just blame Obama. My payback for his blaming President Bush for everything.

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Filed under General Observations, Homeschool, Relationships and Family, Uncategorized