Tag Archives: Marriage

I will never forget the phone call I got from a church in Rome, GA about 14 years ago. Someone on the other end of the line was part of a search committee looking for a new pastor.  They had gotten my resume and were impressed enough to give me a call.  Everything was going well until they asked a very pointed question, “Bro. Anthony, does your wife have a spouse that is still living?”  I responded with a cold, clinched-teeth, squinted-eye “Yes,…..ME.”  Unfortunately, this would not be the last time something like that happened.

What I encountered on the telephone that day was not unusual, nor unexpected; but it hurt.  You see, I had chosen to marry a woman who had been divorced, even against the wishes of our (then) pastor, who said marrying Valerie would “put the final nail in the coffin” for my ministry.  However, even knowing that many disagreed, we married, anyway.  I was aware of the Scripture (1 Tim. 3:2) being used, but I was also in the process of becoming free from the legalism that had bound me for so long…legalism that oozed with a self-righteousness that wanted to limit me based on another’s determination of my spirituality, not Biblical truth (and it didn’t hurt that the late Dr. Spiros Zodhiates gave his approval).

Let me be clear about a few things…

First,  I have never been divorced, so for me the whole argument of 1 Timothy 3:2 should be moot.  Second, my wife was abandoned and left with no choice but to divorce (she was the innocent party), and it happened before she was a believer.  Thirdly, her ex-husband remarried and divorced again before I even met her.  By all accounts, both she and I were clear from any “adultery” issues.  Also, I am the husband of one wife, and Scripture NEVER said “must be the husband of one wife who was the wife of one husband ever.”

What DOES Scripture say?

1 Timothy 3:2  “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife...”  Also, verse 12 says, “Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife...”  The difficulty with these verses is not what is being said, but how it is interpreted.  Is Paul telling Timothy that in order to be a pastor or deacon or elder in a church, you must have only been married once?  Could it be possible that Paul is even saying that a man of God MUST have a wife, because being single would disqualify one from ministry?  These are things that have been debated for centuries.  Some believe that a pastor or deacon or elder should have never been divorced (or married to a divorcée) . Others believe that in order to be a proper leader, one must be married.  Still, many commentators believe that the proper rendering of the Greek is “one-woman man,” implying faithfulness and character over the number of wives.  What the Scripture says is one thing, but as William D. Mounce put it, “The Greek gives us a range of possibilities, but our theology is going to determine our interpretation.” (http://www.koinoniablog.net/2009/03/can-an-elder-be-divorced.html#comment-captcha)

I think there’s another way to look at it…

Take a look at 1 Timothy 3.  Read through verse 12.  The best I can figure is that there are between 16 and 17 qualifications for the bishop, and between 6 and 8 for the deacons.  All of these are preceded with a literal or an implied “must be,” as in “must be blameless,” or a “must have.”  How does this affect the argument that an elder must have only been married once, never remarried, or never divorced?  Well, think of any great pastor that you know of.  Think of any great man of God that has stood behind the pulpit and faithfully proclaimed the Word of God.  Has he always been blameless?  Has he always been on his best behavior?  Did he ever get drunk, covet, lose his patience, or curse his wife or children in anger?  Was he ever a novice, a beginner subject to pride? If so, then according to the logic of some, he should never be able to preach or lead in God’s church, for just as a man “must be the husband of one wife,” so he also must be “blameless, vigilent, sober, well-behaved, given to hospitality, patient, never greedy, and always in control of his house and children.”  Do you see it?  If your interpretation leads you to believe that the bishop must have only had one wife ever, then the same hermeneutic (the study of the principles of interpretation) should apply to the other “must be’s.”  “Must be the husband of one wife” = never divorced.  “Not a novice” = never been a beginner in the faith. Doesn’t make sense, does it?

1 Timothy 3:1-12 is in the present infinitive tense (i.e., must be / dei einai).  The requirements listed are ones that describe a man of character and faithfulness, of sobriety and gravitas; not a beginner or one untried and unproven.  What I see is a list of requirements that may not have always been present in a man, but should be NOW, after God has done a verifiable work in his life.  In other words, the Bible says a bishop “must be,” not “must have always been,” or “must have never done.”  Paul said, “and such were some of you:  but ye were washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:11

Here’s my point…

I believe that there are plenty of men and women (especially men) that are sitting back or hiding out because someone has convinced them that they are used up and un-usable.  For instance, I can think of men right now, who because of whatever reason, are divorced.  Yet these men, now Christians, are sold-out, God-fearing, faithful, Spirit-filled fathers and husbands with proven testimonies and unimpeachable character.  Sadly, however, because of mistakes made when they were young, unsaved, and stupid, they cannot serve as deacons, much less as pastors.  On the other hand, I can think of several pastors today who were once murderers, drug dealers, fornicators, extortioners, and abusers of mankind (gay, for those of you in Rio Linda).  They are accepted and given full reign as leaders in the church, but not the ones who were divorced.  So, like I said in a previous post…

if the Pharisee and the Publican sat down with a pulpit committee in the average Baptist church, which one do you think they would hire?

Answer:

Depends on which one “had a living spouse.”