Tag Archives: Kavoshgar-5

Monkeys in Space: Almost

Disclaimer: Due to the author’s sense of humor, those without one should skip this article.

True Story

Sometime last month (between August and September, 2011) the primates of Iran were in mourning. What was supposed to be a small step for monkey, a large tree swing for monkeykind, ended in tragic failure. Now, all space monkey programs are on hold, indefinitely.

Recently, it was learned that Iran had attempted to send a live monkey 75 miles into space for a 20 minute orbit. Soaring into history inside the Kavoshgar-5 rocket, this little squeaker was going to show the world that Iran was that much closer to either putting a man in space, or launching banana hurling chimps at America. But something went wrong – terribly wrong. (Click here for the news story)

Old Story

What amazes me is that it has been over 52 years since NASA sent 2 monkeys, Able and Baker, into space (May 28, 1959). Both survived. Miss Baker even went on to live to 27 years while staying at the Huntsville Space and Rocket Center in Alabama.

NASA went on to send even more monkeys into space. The lessons learned from these missions were invaluable to the growing space program which ultimately put men on the moon in 1969, just ten years after the first monkey went ballistic (pun intended).

Now we have Iran attempting to do what we did 52 years ago (without Windows 8), and they still failed. How depressing that must be! How embarrassing for the poor little dessert monkeys! Surely they are wishing they could defect to a Western zoo about now.

Advanced Griping Standards

So, I couldn’t help but think about something. We all know that Iran hates us, correct? I think I know why. We have more advanced griping skills. Let me explain.

Since 1969 Americans have been without excuse for failure. Since then there have been unbelievable advances in every kind of technology known to man. Why? Because whenever there was a need, all somebody would have to say was, “We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t…” Here are a few examples of how that would sound…

  • We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t make an fast-cooking oven?
  • We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t make a cordless telephone?
  • We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t have more than 3 television stations?

You see, all someone would have to do is throw out that “man on the moon” thing and genius would be shamed into action. I just can’t help but wonder if that is why Iran is always in such a bad mood. Is this why they hate us so much, aside from supporting Israel, and all? I mean, when you stop and think about it, they can’t even elevate themselves to the same level of complaining!

  • We can put a man on the ……..wait…….
  • We can put a monkey on the ………no, wait…….
  • We can kill a monkey strapped to a bottle rocket, yet we still can’t find a cure for camel bad breath?

There’s just no comparison, is there? No wonder they are so far behind. No wonder they hate us. We’re 50 years ahead in griping standards!

The Greatest Standard

But when it comes to standards, there is one that we all fall short of – the holiness of God. We can look at our own achievments and compare them to others, but how do they compare to God? We can compare our righteousness to the deeds of our neighbor, but how do we compare with God?

“Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be ye holy: for I am the LORD your God.” – Leviticus 20:7 KJV

“Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.” – 1 Peter 1:16 KJV

We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t save ourselves. We can do great and wonderful things, but we can’t achieve holiness. The heart of man is “desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9). The only way we can truly be “holy” is when we “put on Christ” (Romans 13:14). Then, and only then, can we rise to our full potential, for we can “do all things through Christ.”


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