Did you know that pastors never get depressed? That may come as a shock to some of you, but it’s true; only ordinary people get the blues, have a bad day, feel discouraged, or what have you.
Pastors never get depressed or want to run away and hide because they have special access to God. This access allows them to tap into special spiritual trade secrets only available to the ordained. Why else do you think ministers always have things together?
Pastors never get depressed because, unlike normal folk, we get visions in the night – visions of God’s plans for our lives. Similar to e-memos, God sends the ordained messages while we sleep, but only while we sleep – He’s a firm believer in no visions while driving.
Prayers are another big plus for the pastor. Unlike the normal person, not only do we get prayers through immediately, but we actually have telepathic throne room sessions once a week. These sessions are just like what Mork had with his home planet (Mork and Mindy), only we use prayer closets instead of eggs.
Not only do pastors never get depressed, but they’re always upbeat, have positive attitudes, and smile all the time…you know, like Joel Osteen. We know it can be hard for others in the church, but our bills are always paid, our health is always good, and our children are the envy of every church youth group and little old lady. Why should we ever be discouraged?
So, I don’t need your prayers – just pray for yourselves and other unfortunate laypeople like yourselves. We pastors have got it together!
The Recovering Legalist 