Darth Vader | The Recovering Legalist

Breaking Newsmo

Today it was announced that the man who gives Elmo life has been accused of having sexual relations with a 16-year-old boy. In light of these accusations Kevin Clash has taken a leave of absence to work on his defense (you can read the TMZ article here). Mr. Clash does not deny having sex with the boy; he just denies that the boy was underage when the relationship took place.

Considering what happened to the Pee-wee Herman character created and performed by Paul Reubens, what will be the future of Elmo? Sesame Street Workshop told TMZ that “Elmo is bigger than any one person and will continue to be an integral part of Sesame Street to engage, educate and inspire children around the world.” Really?

Never Be the Samemo

Until this news story came out, it is probable that few people ever heard of Kevin Clash. Certainly most of the children of the world never associate a human being with what goes on inside of that red, polyester fur. Nevertheless, even if Elmo the puppet continues to work on Sesame Street without Clash, some things will never be the same.

The Voice. Who will replace the voice of Elmo should Kevin Clash don an orange jumpsuit? Will Elmo sound the same? They could bring in a replacement actor for a little while, I suppose; just long enough for Mr. Clash to get fitted for his monitoring device. If so, I have a few suggestions…

How about Jeff Dunham, creator of Achmed the Dead Terrorist? Could you imagine Elmo saying, “Today’s episode is brought to you by the letter ‘Q’….Quiet! …I KEEEL YOU!”

Or, James Earl Jones (Darth Vader) could do a guest appearance (voice only) in a scene where Elmo tells his gold fish, “Dorothy, I am your father.” One thing is for sure, hearing Jones’ laugh would not be as annoying as a Tickle Me Elmo doll that won’t turn off.

Joel Osteen would be the best choice. Dialated pupils…rosy complexion…happy voice. All that would be needed for a complete character makeover would be a perfect set of teeth (and a golden globe in ever episode of Elmo’s World).

The Toys. After this I will never be able to play with a Tickle Me Elmo, Scratch Me Elmo, or Dance in the Dark With Me Elmo doll ever again. Every time I here “Elmo loves you” I will feel compelled to wonder about his intentions.

On the other hand, maybe Sesame Street could turn this into a teaching opportunity? By next Christmas they could unveil a Track Me Elmo, complete with ankle bracelet and parole officer badge for the owner. With the free, downloadable smartphone app, every time the doll got too close to a daycare, school, or friend’s house the ankle bracelet would sent a message to the child’s phone. Cool idea, huh?

In Danger of Helmo

I certainly hope that Elmo’s skeleton is innocent of all charges. I also hope that the father and role model who fills the fuzzy embodiment of sweetness and childlike innocence will not cause any harm to his little fans. But if he is guilty, I would hate to be in his Elmo slippers.

Jesus said, “It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause one of these little ones to stumble” (Luke 17:2 NASB). The end result of all this might not be too funny.

Seriously, pray for Kevin Clash. And pray for all involved in this sad story.

(Update, 11/15/12) Accuser retracts statement…

“He wants it to be known that his sexual relationship with Mr. Clash was an adult consensual relationship,” the statement read. “He will have no further comment on the matter.”
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