Bunny Essentials?

Whilst shopping for dietary essentials like food, my attention was caught by what appeared to be a section dedicated to Easter items.

There I saw bunny ears, colored plastic eggs, stuffed bunnies, a few fuzzy rabbits, and a sign or two that read, “Bunny Crossing Hopping.” But what I did not expect to see was what has now become an “essential” in Easter bunny must-haves…

A crossbow.

Why? Seriously, why?

I know, none of this has anything to do with the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, but even from a pagan perspective, why?

Essential? What part of bunny hopping and Easter egg hunts does a weapon play? Instead of “pin the tail on the donkey,” are we now teaching our biblically illiterate toddlers how to hurl a missile downrange?

What must needs be shot? IF the crossbow with two (count them, 2) arrows is essential, what is it that must be shot with a crossbow arrow and nothing else? I mean, the arrows are “essential,” or are they not? A shotgun with two (count them, 2) cartridges wouldn’t suffice?

Well, let’s be logical about this . . . If I were to go purchase some shotgun shells for hunting, odds are there would be some ducks printed on the box, if, of course, they were meant for duck hunting. If I were to go buy a deer rifle, and the company selling it wanted me to know it was great for the job, I might expect to see a deer somewhere in the packaging.

What do we see on the package of the “essential” crossbow and two (count’em, 2) arrows? The supposed Easter Bunny and a chicken.

Since when was it a thing to shoot the Easter Bunny??? And, more than that, who hunts chicken? You keep ’em in pens and wring their scrawny necks or just buy them already nugget-shaped.

Next thing we’ll be seeing are bear traps being sold as “Christmas Essentials.” I mean, there’s nothing more necessary to a wonderful Noel than catching that sneaky Chris Kringle coming down the chimney, right?

Oh, what fun!

I guess if you’re gonna have something resurrecting from the dead it’s ESSENTIAL you kill it first.

Got it. It all makes sense, now!

He was pierced for our transgressions with the bolt from a crossbow, then placed in a colored egg with some chocolate and jelly beans. 

I knew the “essential” truth of Easter was in there somewhere. Yep.