I am going to be very honest, as I’m sure you will appreciate: Sometimes I feel like a total failure.
You may have some impression of me, and that impression might be a good one. However, sometimes I see myself as a failure for not having accomplished a fraction of my stated goals, thereby leaving myself wondering, “Will I ever be able to do this?”
This morning has been difficult. It’s been a long time since any regular income has come in. And even though I felt sure I was supposed to be doing what I’m doing career-wise, it’s not put much money in the bank as of yet. I’m not talking about ministry; I’m talking about my work outside the pastorate (I’m bi-vocational).
So, I went to Blueletterbible.com and did a word search for “fail.” There were over 60 occurrences of the word, but two of them stood out to me.
The first one spoke of how David understood pain and doubt. He had questions about God’s compassion and promises.
Is his mercy clean gone forever? doth his promise fail for evermore? – Psalm 77:8
But then David went on to answer his own question by remembering what God has done and said:
Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people. – Psalm 77:14
Then I came to the following verse:
When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the LORD will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them. – Isaiah 41:17
I am poor and needy. We have more than a water bill. I can’t do this on my own! Much of the help that should come from man is missing, but I have a God who hears my plea and has not forsaken me!
All I have to do is cry out to him!
I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me. – Psalm 57:2
Lord, I am not a failure as long as there is still breath in my lungs and an opportunity for me to step forward to my Goliaths. My strength is small; my abilities are few; my vision is limited to the horizon, but You will not forsake me, and Your presence will go before me. You will get the credit for my successes, for Your name will be glorified as You help me stand, fight, conquer, and provide for my family (Deut. 8:18). I am not a failure because You are not.
The Recovering Legalist 
Thanks for sharing!
Anthony, I can relate totally to your situation. As a bi-vocational pastor for three decades the financial, emotional and spiritual challenges seemed endless. I made two major career changes during those years evolving earning certificates, licenses and academic degrees. Here are a couple of truths I learned and a few practical tips to stay on the positive side of the ledger.
First, both problems and successes are temporary. Second, feeling like a failure is not the same thing as being one. I would certainly not put that label on you. Third, it is not uncommon for people in professions and careers that involve serving people to experience doubt and depression.
Here are some tips that have helped me over the years to remain positive even when I don’t feel like it.
1. Monitor your self-talk. Fill your mind with positive affirmations from Scripture, and inspiring stories.
2. Consult on a regular basis with a mentor/coach who is a mature believer who relates to your circumstances and is non-judgemental.
3. Take care of your temple. It is vital that you eat good whole foods and exercise. Get adequate rest and take time to play and have fun.
4. Remind yourself that God loves you unconditionally not because of what you do but because of who and whose your are!
I hope this did not come across too preachy. If you ever need someone to talk with, I am always available. I don’t know all the answers and can’t fix your problems, but I can encourage and pray for you and know that you will not only survive, but emerge better equipped and empowered! Love you bro!
Thanks, brother. I’m sure your comment will help others, too.
I would suggest the above as well as
I declare and decree under the authority of Father, Son, Holy Spirit and the grace they have shown on my life that this is NOT my time to go down, but it is my time to arise and go higher. God is beginning to align things in my life at an accelerated pace and I will no longer be destroyed by or taken hostage by or even wounded in any way by any actions, plots, attempts, and flat out robbery by the enemy and my own thinking. Joy must return to my life as must hope, and desire. God is working new things in my life, He has not forsaken me. I am not being placed in a dry deserted land I am being fed in the land of milk and honey… My Father owns the cattle, gold, silver, and all things and His promises are that He will meet every single need that I have, He has not backed down from that… I hereby cancel every single page out of Satan’s agenda planner and strategic plots and attempt against me and I mark it with Healed, filled, fixes and Property of Jesus Christ, Elohim, Holy Spirit and Yahweh… Every ladder and rungs of limitation, affliction, depression, oppression, and all financial oppression and poverty mentality of others have no affect me , for these rungs will quickly catch fire in the name of Jesus. My God has promised and committed that He will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory… Any and all other hinderances to my growing and becoming the minister God has pre ordained, called and chose me to be before the foundations of time for such a time as this shall be electrocuted by the power and the blood of Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit. The Lord Jesus Christ has called me to come alive again. I have stood and I will walk. My breakthrough and the keys of ownership will has begun to jump out of the demonic cages and are Right here right now I am done with the BS and all the other things. I stand and I decree it is not my time to fold I am just getting started
You are a woman of few words, but you still manage to get your point across 😉. Thanks