Just the other day I saw in the news that the president of Planned Parenthood, Cecile Richards, was suggesting gifts for Valentines Day. I really appreciated it, too, because, as a guy who wants to impress his girl, every little suggestion for something new can help.
So, what did Ms. Richards suggest? What did she share on her Twitter account that we men needed to know? What, pray tell, are we supposed to go out and purchase this year?
Roses? Candy? Diamonds? A new car? Tickets to the opera? A new dress? A year’s supply of lipstick? Dinner at Tavern on the Green? A Ruth’s Chris gift certificate? A singing candy gram? A day at the most expensive beauty salon? A exotic vacation to Hawaii?
Interesting…don’t you think? I wonder how that would work? Maybe it would go like this…
“Sweetie, you’ll never guess what I got you this year for Valentines Day!”
“OH! I’m so excited! What is it my dearest?”
“Are you sitting down? I bought you an abortion! Isn’t it great?!”
“AAAHHH! You are SOOO sweet! You knew that little parasite that started growing inside of me after we had pre-marital, un-protected, lust-driven sex was going to hamper my hedonistic desire for consequence-free pleasure, didn’t you? I knew you cared.”
“Hey! Don’t mention it! There’s a lot more where that came from. So, once you survive having that blob of non-human cells ripped out of your uterus, let’s forget all about all that free contraception we’re being offered, and just go for it! What do you say?”
“You really know how to treat a woman, don’t you?”
God help us! Have mercy on us!
Lord in heaven, open Cecile Richards’ eyes to the murderous lunacy that is her idiotic suggestion!
Wouldn’t a box of chocolates and a dozen roses be a much better suggestion?