Making Winter Warm with Chili

I swear, I start a blog about living a life free (as much as possible) from paralyzing legalism, and now I might as well start a food critic/cooking show!  What is happening to me?  Before long, I will preaching about pepperoni, sermonizing about sirloin, or pontificating over pot roast.  I need to go hunting for furry animals, or something….anything to get my masculinity back.

Oh, but wait! There is one thing I can do – MAKE CHILI!

With winter officially around the corner, but in all practicality now freezing our tails off, I felt the need to make a pot of chili. There are some things that a man should be able to make on a stove top that aren’t stuffing, cream of wheat, or pudding.  A real man needs to know how to craft a pot of chili that can keep you alive in an ice storm. Real chili, mind you; not the watery beef-and-tomato chili-flavored soup that some try to pass off to unsuspecting desperadoes. So, if you want to make a respectable version of my chili, feel honored to have, for the first time ever, my recipe. Please try to send all thanks in the form of monetary contributions.

Brown two pounds of ground beef in an iron skillet, or preferably an iron kettle (good stuff, not the lean, cardboard type). While it is browning, add a little Worshtishire sauce and a little chopped onion, if you desire.

Brown one pound of boneless pork chops in extra virgin olive oil.  When done, slice and dice into little cubes of pork chop joy.

(Optional – fry some bacon and chop it up into fine bits and add that, along with a tad of the grease)

When all the meat is done, start adding two (2) 15oz cans of tomato sauce, along with three (3) cans of Luck’s pinto beans. If you like kidney beans, and you are weird, then replace the pinto beans according to your lousy taste.

Add one cup of strong, black coffee.  Yep, I said coffee.

Now, start adding all of the spices.

• 2 tablespoons Chili Powder (or maybe three)
• 1 teaspoon Ground Sage
• 1 teaspoon Crushed Rosemary
• 2 teaspoons Paparika
• 1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder
• 4 teaspoons Ground Roasted Cumin (powder)
• 1 teaspoon Crushed Red Pepper (more or less to taste, depending on whether or not you like your tongue)
• 1-1 1/2 teaspoons of salt (don’t use sea salt, because that is just, well, not manly)
• 1/4 teaspoon (maybe a tad more) of Liquid Smoke.
• 1 tablespoon Oregeno

Being that I had to use what I had, and not everything I actually wanted (pastors cant always afford a fully-stocked fridge or spice cabinet), I didn’t have any onions, so I used a little onion salt.  Keep in mind when you do that, you have to adjust the actual salt in the recipe.  Also, I did not have any fresh garlic, which is why I used garlic powder, instead of 3-4 cloves (put through a garlic press). Ideally, I like to saute the onions and garlic together in an iron skillet, then add them to the beef and pork.

A final ingredient that really makes chili stand out, if you want something different, is about a half ounce of Lime Juice.

Well, there you have it.  Just bring this collection of real chili ingredients to a boil, then let it simmer for a couple of hours on low heat. Have some to eat at that point, but the best will be after you let it sit overnight in the refrigerator.