Take the time to tell us your story. Where are you in your walk with Christ, if you are even on the road? Have you struggled with the perceived lists of do-and-don’ts that others have made? Have you had experiences with legalistic pastors, churches, families, etc.? How do you try to live your life now? What advice do you have, if any, for others who may be struggling to become free to live in grace?
I guess I would fit the list of so-called “legalists.” Let
me give you a glimpse from where I’m standing… For me, it’s not a
list of “do’s & don’ts”… it’s not a legalist issue. It’s
a love issue. I don’t wear pants because I love the Lord and
believe it pleases Him when I dress femininely and modestly. Is it
a “sin” to wear pants? I can’t say that it is or it isn’t – the
Bible doesn’t just come out and say “Thou shalt not wear pants,
women!” But there is always going to be a more holy standard that
we can seek to attain. There will always be areas in which
Christians could raise the bar just a little higher. Am I relying
on my non-pants-wearning/skirts-only standard to get me to Heaven?
No. Therefore it’s not a legalist issue. I use the KJV. Why?
Because that’s what I was raised with? yes and no. I use it because
it’s what I’m used to. I use it because no one’s been able to
disprove it. I use it because it seems the most complete and
accurate. I use it because I believe it is the Word of God. Am I
relying on my KJV to get me to Heaven? No. Therefore it’s not a
legalist issue. I don’t listen to “wordly music” because it does
nothing to edify me as a Christian. We have been commanded to think
on only that which is good, pure, and lovely – rap, country, and
rock’n'roll are none of the above. Am I relying on “good Christian
music” to get me to Heaven? No. Therefore it’s not a legalist
issue. I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point (for the most
part). Legalism is “the doctrine that salvation is gained through
good works.” Well, according to my Bible, Ephesians 2:8-9 blow that
theory right out of the water. For me, I don’t have these high
standards because I’m counting on them to keep the seal on my
salvation. I do them because I believe it pleases the Lord. No one
has to tell me to do these things (besides the Lord). No one has
“forced” me to adhere to these “rules.” It’s not a legalism issue.
It’s a love issue. It’s what’s in my heart, and it’s being
proclaimed through my actions.
Heather,
Thanks for your input. I wish there were more women in the world like you! There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you said or what you do. I commend you for trying to set a higher standard based on what Paul would call, the “love of Christ [that] constraineth us.” – 2 Cor. 5:14 (KJV, of course)
If what you said is accurate, then you are really not a “legalist” in my book. You would only be classified as a “legalist” if you considered yourself more spiritual or spiritually mature, even more right with God, based on the things you mentioned; thereby judging another person’s actions as indicators of unrighteousness. I hope that makes sense. I’m typing on my phone.
Keep loving Jesus.
I totally agree Standards don’t come from a church or organization, but rather from a Conviction based on the Bible. And when its based on the Bible no one can change your standard except for God. No, I am not a legalist, just a Born-again Bible Believing Independent Fundamental Baptist. Why? Not because all IFBs are right but because it is the closest doctrine to God’s Word and being Independent means we don’t all have the same standards/convictions. By the way I believe the KJV is the pure Word of God for English speaking people, and it really is not that hard to understand. But that’s a whole separate argument.
Matthew, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
I would like to give you some food for thought, if you don’t mind. Think about what I am about to ask you. Question: in what ways am I, a Southern Baptist pastor, NOT independent? This not a trick question.
Thanks, again, brother. And by the way, I had just told my wife I was going to ride my bike to the radio station this morning when I saw your picture. That’s funny
Recovering legalist here, graduate of a super duper legalist college! The problem I have come up across in legalism these days is less obvious. It’s not “you can’t wear pants and read NIV and be saved” because even the legalists have smartened up in that respect. In my experience it is more to the effect of seeing someone show up in jeans and a t-shirt at church and thinking “I need to pray for that person’s spiritual growth. I mean, I’m sure his faith is sincere and all but if he were spiritually mature, he would go out and buy himself a suit.” The judgement still exists, just in a slightly different form. I hear it echoed in what Heather says. “It pleases the Lord when I wear skirts. MAYBE wearing pants isn’t a sin but I KNOW wearing a skirt pleases him.” Well, then does that mean a person wearing pants is less pleasing to God? Aren’t you therefore judging the person who doesn’t wear a skirt as not doing enough to please God? Heather also assumes that wearing a skirt is “setting the bar higher” and I don’t believe there’s a verse in all the Bible that would support that claim. That is a man-made (legalistic) point of view. This is what I come across all too often.
In other words, the legalism I see these days doesn’t come about during salvation but during discipleship. “We have to get that girl discipled so she’s see the light and put on a skirt.” I suppose it’s a step in the right direction because I am saying less of the doubts about a person’s salvation based on an outward appearance, but… still a long, long way to go.
Oh and as for me? Why I am a recovering legalist? My husband and I decided to try out a less legalistic church one time because it was near our house. We ahd an attitude. The music! The way people dressed! The NIV Bibles! Oh, the horrors! But in one week at that church we saw more sincerity in people’s faith and love of God and His word than we had seen in all our years of Bible college. And so began our recovery…
Thanks, R.J., for your thoughts.
I understand what you said about the “setting the bar higher” comment from Heather; but herein lies the struggle with legalism. Where do we cross a line that is unacceptable? Is there a higher standard that we should seek to attain? At what point do we say, “Jesus would NOT approve of THAT!”?
Honestly, I am pretty lenient when it comes to styles of clothing (except when my girls want to wear anything that exposed more than 2 sq. inches of flesh
) There are some things I wish I could wear and look good. But every once in a while wouldn’t you think it good if we re-evaluated our tastes and personal choices? It wouldn’t hurt to make sure we haven’t gone too far in the other direction, would it? The real problem, however, is when we judge other people’s walk with God by OUR standards.
Really, thanks for your thoughts. I hope you continue to visit and comment.
Oh, I’m not disagreeing that what we wear matters. I think we need to dress in a way that is modest, neat, and appropriate (which would vary depending on what we are doing). I am 100% in favor of modesty. But I don’t think that wearing a skirt is more modest than wearing pants–or vice versa. I think it has to be taken on an outfit by outfit decision. Are there immodest pants? Yup! Are there immodest skirts (even if they are the “proper” length)? Absolutely. What we wear does matter and as Christians choosing clothes that honor God is extremely important. I believe that is clear in the Bible. My problem arises when one assumes that wearing a skirt is MORE pleasing to God than wearing a modest pair of pants. The slippery slope is when we start to believe that what we chose to wear makes us just a little more holy than the next guy. Or when we start to assume that when someone doesn’t dress the way we do, that the person needs to “get right”, seek “maturity” or even on the opposite side “is too legalistic”. I believe that when it comes to gray areas, God convicts people individually and we need to be careful not to judge other people’s convictions. At Bible college, a common attitude was “God convicted me about non-Christian music, so He must love me more than he loves you or you’d get that conviction too” (or insert any common area of fighting between Christians). That is where I come from by saying that I took “setting the bar higher’ as a touch of legalistic attitude. Yes, we should set the bar higher as Christians. But to assume that wearing a skirt/reading KJV/etc is the way to set that bar higher is still a legalistic attitude. I hope I made sense. It’s late and I’m rambling!!!!
Good observations. I bet Heather Joy and you would make for good coffee-break entertainment. The both of you should get together and compare notes, just as long as you come to some conclusion which version of the notes you will use
Not that I’m agreeing or disagreeing with you (yet), but I’m just curious what your definition of a “modest pair of pants” is…?
Of a truth, God is most definitely not a respector of persons (that’s Bible) So I agree with your statement that God does not love one person more than the next, regardless of their standards or convictions. He’s the perfect Father – loving His blood-bought children equally.
RJ… I like your response about ‘convictions…I feel the same way. I know that I don’t do, or do some things, that would drive a legalistic ‘christian’ bonkers. I equate most of my arguments with being diabetic, which I am. you see, for most folks, going to a bakery and buying a dozen donuts for the coffee clutch is not a problem. For a diabetic, it is the temptation of Arsenic and lace. I could no more eat a donut than you would swallow arsenic. So I avoid bakeries, and the other little sweets offered up by well meaning albeit ignorant folks serving them at our church. The donuts are not evil. Or sinful. But for me, it would be, because God has convicted me to the point long past my doctors orders…”DON’T eat the donuts. I have much bigger problems than whether or not I should wear a dress or read the ‘right Bible…that conviction may come later on, I don’t know. But if He does but that conviction upon my heart, and I choose not to follow it, then yes, that would be the sin.I haven’t felt God’s nudge as of yet, about my attire in church, but eventually I am sure He will get around to it…right after I get those donuts out of my head once and for all.
I have had experience with legalism and all this do’s and don’ts, mixing Law and Grace instead of resting on His arms. Being a part of life, in church, and growing up with it lead to so much confusion and pressure on my part. Right now I’m still struggling. I want to break free – yet I have doubted myself and my authenticity, all these contradictions within me. Right now, I don’t know if I can say that I “have freedom” since legalism has gotten me to believe so much lies – stuff that people shove into my throat and I couldn’t say “no” to. That’s why I’m still trying to see the light in this all. I see the light, just don’t know if I’m already “there”.
I know how you feel. That’s why I say I’m still “recovering.” And one difficulty is trying not to throw out what is good in order to experience freedom. There is a such thing as going too far and abusing grace. We don’t want to do that, either.
I would like to say that I was in a legalistic Church in the 70′s and 80′s. I had a nervous break down on 1983 , because of do’s and don’ts. I never felt good enough always condemed. If I made different choices for my children, I was losing my conviction’s.When me and my husband went to the Pastor to tell him we were leaving the Church, he told us that we are out of’s God will and that something could happen to our children. My husband was bi-polar and I had to make allot of choices. Praise God he gave me the courage to get out of those Church’s. When I see people with long skirts and dresses. I just see long dresses. He dosen’t make me feel they are spirtual!
God bless you! And may He continue to bring you and your husband healing. Thanks for sharing your story.
Mine’s a bit involved — happens when you’ve reached a ripe old 69 — but it’s a harrowing story of a recovering Pharisee..
Read it here at: http://www.grace4life.com/About_Us – “A Tragic-Happy Tale of the Gospel Lost & Found”
Enjoy!
Johnny
PCA TE
World Harvest Mission
Cross Cultural Renewal & Leadership Development
Have been attending a Independent Baptist church now for 1.5 yrs. I’m getting tired of listening to the preacher talk negative about Catholics, Pentecostals, etc. I was handed a pamphlet
on “Dispensationalism” & quite frankly I don’t agree with it or find the doctrine scriptural. I can’t seem to get close to anyone. Greetings are the same “how are you?” Superficial. I really don’t feel the LOVE of Jesus there. They don’t believe in annointing
the sick with oil or laying hands & praying over the sick. People keep asking for prayer for their sickness with very few positive results. They also lay guilt trips on you if you miss evening Sunday & Wednesday service. I go along with the KJV but I don’t always understand it. I don’t care what they say that a 6th grader could understand it. I’ve attended college & I’m a medical professional & I still prefer my NAS. I don’t think Jesus is going to send me to hell for reading the NAS. I don’t know what to do…because the pastor does preach the WORD & has not embraced “purpose driven” philosphy yet.
I know exactly how you feel, Mary. It may seem cliche, but I “feel your pain.”
I wish i had an easy answer for you. It’s really not for me to advise you to pick up and leave that church. That is something I believe is between you and the Holy Spirit. On the other hand, I can tell that what you are experiencing is the very stuff that brings disunity in the family of God, not to mention gives church a bad reputation.
I don’t want to give the impression that I believe the same as other denominations. I am a Baptist. I am not a Pentecostal, Methodist, or Catholic (the Catholic issue is a little more tricky). Look up The Baptist Faith and Message and you’ll know what I believe. But even though i have problems with things like speaking in tongues, losing one’s salvation, and ecclesiastical forms of church government, I don’t run down other denominations from the pulpit. As a matter of fact, I pray for them, asking that God would do a real work in their congregations. I know where to agree to disagree, as well as where to stand up for what I believe is truth. But when it comes to the way I treat other Baptists, I definitely don’t treat them the way nearly every other Independent Baptist treats me, all because I pastor a Southern Baptist church. They shun me, malign me, and attempt to discredit everything my church or I try to do. That is not loving the brethren.
When it comes to Bible translations, i would rather you be reading and studying a NAS than nothing at all. Those who say you’re “going to hell” for using anything other than a KJV are legalists, pure and simple. But I won’t get into all that.
Mary, just seek God’s face. Don’t let yourself fall under the judgmental condemnation of others who have a self-made standard of righteousness. If you are bought with the blood of Christ, you are a new creation and free of the law of death. Live in the grace that Christ purchased for you. Never let another make you feel guilty for something that is a matter of personal conscience and grace.
I appreciate you stopping by and leaving a comment. I will be praying for you to hear God’s voice in this matter. God bless.
Dear Brother Anthony,
Thank you for your words of encouragement & prayers. I’m going to try & hang in there..where I presently worship. I’m going to delve more into the scriptures on a daily basis & get closer to the Lord & pray for my pastor. He’s young i.e. 30 & has a lot
to learn. Until Jesus Returns, Sister Mary
It is painful for me to read these stories. When I was fourteen I recognized the unscriptural legalism and condemnation in the church our family attended. At age eighteen I broke away from it and this was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I am sorry that it was painful, but I can understand why. But I am encouraged to read of your early realization of what was going on. How much more painful would your story have been had you been held prisoner to legalism until you were an adult?
Thanks for your encouragement. And thanks for taking the time to comment.
I would so much like to hear more from Heather Joy and RJ. I am caught between those two opinions, struggling to determine what God really wants. I have been an Independent Fundamental Baptist for 16 years, since shortly after I was saved. I used to think exactly like Heather Joy. But now I feel like RJ. I don’t want our family to be out of God’s will in any way, but I feel liberty calling, or is that just backsliding?
We are calling into question many of the things we changed as new Christians and it feels like we are going backward.
I hope we are sincerely seeking a closer walk with Jesus, and to serve him from a heart of love instead of duty and guilt. This road is a little terrifying.
Anne, thanks for sharing. I will see what I can do about getting your request to Heather. She has been through a lot since the above comments. Her insight might even be more enlightening.
But I do want to encourage you in one thing. You mentioned how you “feel liberty calling,” but wondered if it was “just backsliding.” As long as you keep a heart of humility and submission to God’s plan for your life, then you will be on the right track. Liberty and backsliding are more commonly linked together when there is also present a spirit of rebellion. If you are sincerely wanting “a closer walk with Jesus, and to serve him from a heart of love instead of duty and guilt,” you can rest in His grace.
Remember, you can never make Him love you more than He already does. You don’t have to earn His approval of you. You are forgiven and are covered in the righteousness of Christ, so live as one spared by the life of Another. When you are always seeking to bring Him glory out of a heart of gratitude, not obligation, backsliding will be hard to do.
God bless you, Anne.
Thank you for your caring comments. The motivation is one of my biggest concerns. I don’t trust my own heart on the matter. I don’t feel like I have a rebellious attitude towards God, on the other hand I am sure I have entertained some rebellious thoughts about our church and its leadership. Do you think that is a natural part of deciding it is time for a change?
I don’t know how to explore this honestly.
Anne -
I just read your comments.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to shed much more light on the issue than what I’ve already previously said in my comments above.
There was a time when I went through this stage where I questioned everything that I stated above. I did so, and I started living the opposite because it felt good, seemed cool — and I labeled it as living in the “liberty” I have in Christ.
Yet I kept coming back to one verse: “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” (I Cor.6:12)
Yes, I could live in liberty and do what I wanted (as far as “not really sinning” goes), but that liberty did not bring me peace. It brought me even more doubts. I felt sneaky. I fely rebellious. I felt dirty.
And it led farther than I thought it would lead…
Pretty soon the line between “liberty in Christ” and outright sinful was blurred. I ended up in a rut, and my testimony was all but fried.
I’m back to square one now — living a life of high standards and “legalistic rules” — not because it makes me feel good (although it does), but because it is where Christ led me once I gave up my own will on the matter.
I am still living in the liberty of Christ. He has liberated me to live for HIM and not for myself. He has liberated me from SIN so that I can live the abundant Christian life.
Hope that helps in some way. God bless you on your journey!
Heather Joy
Anne, if you can go to Scripture and see a contradiction between what you are being taught and what God says, then you are being a good Berean. If the leadership in your church is legalistic, then ask them about it. In love and with respect, show them what the Bible says and ask for a response. If their response is belittling, arrogant, condemning, or condescending, then you need new leadership, whether there or somewhere else.
It is not rebellious to seek the truth. It is a sign of an abusive church when the leadership cannot be questioned or held accountable to the ultimate authority, God’s Word. If reading Galatians makes you feel like the leadership in your church is acting legalistic, then maybe they are, and maybe it’s time for a change.
he word modest in bible equates to meaning moderate.nothing more,nothing less. i’m totally disabled as i was diagnosed as being bipolar in 1981.i had become a Christian in 1973.it was in 1981 that I was diagnosed and moved from my parents house for the first time to live on my own.i struggled for years because the church i attended continued to trash my viewing of channels like HBO and listening to the current music of that time.i was praying daily,studying my bible daily and growing spiritually by leaps and bounds,regardless of my movie watching which included MTV.it was the church,not god who had a problem it/.i’m no different today.i still watch movies,even stuff like twilight,friday 13th and i’m sure movies that would turn some people’s stomach..i have a huge music video collection as well.i still study,read and pray on a daily basis and spend a lot of time praying for others and my faith doesn’t waiver. I spend time through each day conversing with the lord,/.when I watch a movie and it’s over ,that’s where it stays.i don’t dwell on it and it doesn’t inhibit my wal with the lord and it hasn’t stunted my walk with the lord.neither do my music videos.all through the 80;s and up to today,so many churches preach that legalism is the only way to be spiritual. ie,don’t watch lady gaga,don’t listen to this or do that..they waste far too much time blaming the media.this has been a decietful trick created by the devil,to harp constantly on the media ,thusly ignoring the real item..to teach the flock how to vote for politicians with wisdom and how to strengthen one’s faith and trust in the lord and how to acquire faith without becoming judgemental and self righteous.//how to pray for others successfully,etc./but instead the church went the way of pounding legalism into people’s lives,telling them that their movies and music were the culprits.this has been a lie since the beginning.did it do any good to bash elvis in the 50′s,janis Joplin in the 70′s aerosmith in the 80′s ,the bands and movies in the 90′s and 21st century?? has it done any real good..made a change? no.all it’s accomplished is to give the church something to harp on for another decade with out successfully accomplishing anything positive. you probably wouldn’t be surprised how many times I ministers tried to beat into my head that I must spend most all my free time that I have with my nose in the bible and I must throw away all my music videos and movies to accomplish being spiritual…baloney…i’m leading a beautiful spiritual life and have a wonderful walk with Christ and yet have a wonderfully huge movie and music collection that I enjoy and in fact i consider to be blessings.if not for those things i’d have had only 4 walls to stare at for the last 20 plus years..oh yeah..and my KJV..the church should have been teaching it’s people how to pray ,how to grow spiritualy and how to have faith in the lord jesus that doesn’t waiver and how to comfort others and pray for them,not advise them that their overall problem is that they watch bruce willis movies or smoke tobacco.(btw,the bible says nothing more about smoking tobacco than it does about having an improper diet)
I despise legalism..i’m not in bondage to the law..the letter kills(spiritually).but I love the lord an him only will I serve.
one brief post about my post above..i understand that one’s convictions might be the reason of not watching certain movies or listening to certain types of music.but when one’s religionteaches that everyone must have the same convictions,it becomes a cult,as that belef removes individuality from the situation.when individuality is removed and followers are all expected to follow the same legalistic menu,it’s a cult– many charismatic churches follow this rule of thumb.not all. I stay away from such doctrine and yet i’m charismatic.
Thank you for your comments, Dennis. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Legalism is living in a box..which I did.
Leaving legalism is an unexpected breath of fresh air.
The only time I looked back was to remember and give thanks I wasn’t “there” any longer.
That’s good to hear.
Anthony Psalm 57:2
Sent from iPhone.
I haven’t commented since last fall and I am happy, no, abounding with thanksgiving as I leave this update. After much struggle and guilt we left our independent, fundamental Baptist church after 15 years. We were told that we would never find another good church that preached the Word and we would throw our family into spiritual bereftness.
We have been overjoyed to find that that was the farthest thing from the truth! We have been blessed to find a wonderful church that cares very deeply about God’s Word. I have grown more in the last 3 months than I had the previous 10 years. I find the people there so deep and real. We talk about more important things than where to find long enough skirts…
The previous comment about leaving legalism being an unexpected breath of fresh air inspired me to write, as I said those exact words at church last night. I think it is a Holy Wind.
Praise the Lord! I am happy for you! And I think that it is very important for everyone to make note of a particular line in your comment: “We were told that we would never find another good church that preached the Word and we would throw our family into spiritual bereftness.” It doesn’t matter what else was taught in that church, that line alone proved it was an unhealthy, controlling, and frankly abusive group. You did the right thing for leaving. Not all Independent Baptist churches are that way, of course, but the ones that are should be pointed out.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope it will encourage others to be bold in their stand against legalism.
I’m disabled ( unemployed,collecting disability)since 1981 when i was in my late 20′s,due to a sleep disorder(dspsd)..i’ve been a christian however since 17 years old (am now 58)and have come up against legalism ever since the first day of accepting christ./the very first year of my accepting jesus(1973)all i kept hearing from my minister was “why do you smoke cigarettes”? this went on for 4 what seems like forever..i felt like asking the hypocrite why he drinks coffee and eats sugar!! (no different than smoking cigs according to the bible)..for those of you who don’t seem to know what a legalist is,it’s anyone who places the importance of one’s giving up of the movies they watch or the music they listen to,etc,being equatable to whether or not that person is a spiritual person or right with god(in god’s favor) or not..i know a man that says he limits his high school kids to PG movies..nothing R or above..but if i watch R movies ,somehow the fact that my bar isn’t raised as high as his,makes me wrong.i won’t even go to a church if i know that they’re going to force conviction on people by going in to this “bash the media and any christian that spends time with it” nonsense..christians who label movies and music as being 98% of the world’s woes have an “ignorance” problem. i was never convicted of watching movies (G,PG ,R)’nor of the music i listen to(aerosmith,green day,etc)//i’m a collector of music since the 50′s.literally..everything from the three d’s and kris jensen(the 50′s) the beach boys(60′s) (alice cooper an,abba)70′s (psychedelci furs,talking heads),80s’ and the 90′s and 2000′s(no doubt,gwen stefani,evanscence,bruno mars,etc)..there have been so many idjuts in my life ,advising me,telling me,preaching to me that i am being blasphemous or sinning or being disrespectful to the lord cause i have all this”sinful” “horrible” music,yada yada yada..i explain..i’m a collector.. and my musical tastes are extremely broad..they’re ears are closed to it and they continue their legalistic words to me(even suggesting that i only collect certain kinds of music..a bunch of numbnuts,ya know,lol?)/.same with movies i watch and own..”lethal weapon,the ring,the grudge,the dark knight rises,etc” my taste in movies is also broad..but…i spend much time everyday in prayer & study(scripture).recently i’m reading books that align themselves with biblical history..like the complete works of josephus..since i’ve been saved i speak to christ everyday,all through the day and feel and know(not believe,but KNOW),that he is with me.my knowledge and concious awareness of the lord’s presence is as real as any physical person thats[‘ around me..ie,the presence of the lord is always as real to me as the presence of any physical person,be it a family member friend or any acquaintance./the lord isn’t someone that i feel i have to suddenly conjure into my presence by first saying “dear lord.. ” or “hallowed father”… i merely say something like..”ya know lord…” or “hey jesus”>>> or “can you believe that jesus ..why would anyone make a movie like this…what woman would walk downstairs into a dark basement after hearing a sound like that”?(yeah,he’s beside me when i watch tv..his spirit doesn’t leave and come back later when the tv is off,as some people tend to believe and preach)
i truly feel sorry for any christian that misunderstands scripture to the point that he/she relies so heavily on preaching works ,being bound by ‘the law’..legalism..as opposed to letting the conviction of the holy spirtit do it’s work in other christians.i’m free from the bondage of the law and have been for years now..i don’t do drugs..not even pot.i don’t drink ..i don’t curse and swear/i practice charity..god’s kind of love..mercy..compassion and hope..hope is described in scripture as imagination..one’s thinking..one’s thoughts..”vain imaginations” is a good example.i practice positive,successful and healing hope along side prayer and my day through out.i believe in unconditional love from god..and unconditional love for people..i care that they accept forgiveness and salvation of jesus. i don’t care to carry on about what they watch or listen to.that’s for the holy spirit to decide.not for anyone else to carry on about like some radical nutcase.it’s them radical nutcases that almost chased me away from the church for good.my advice to anyone is to concentrate on teaching new christians how to pray,how to listen and hear the voice of god and how to hope and how to cope//and to cease telling them that it’s their music or movies that’s ‘causing’ their problems..because that’s a lie!! for over 60 years the church has focused on bashing movies and music with the moronic belief that it’s the media that’s causing all the problems..elvis,the beatles,the doors,the stones,twisted sister,nirvana,lady gaga…if you people haven’t realised by now how useless those attacks are then i pity you/.focus on the real problems.don’t you realise that satan has most evangelicals focusing on the media as a diversion to keep themselves and you away from the real resolve?as long as the church continues to focus on bashing and demonising celebrities as the culprits of the nation’s woes,people will continue to not accept christ but for the most part will run or avoid christianity completely/.i would’ve thought most christians ,especially christian leaders ,would’ve caught on to this a LONG time ago -here it is 2013 and they’re STILL carrying on with the same legalism.what a shame..whata horrible rotten shame!!
lol..i realised i left two posts here..three really..in one i said i was diagnosed as bipolar,the other as having dspsd..actually it’s the delayed sleep phase syndrome disorder(a recent diagnosis,overwriting any bipolar).i also have (apparently)multi posting addiction personality(mpap)
Must be too much TV – you are starting to act like a rerun
My wonderful husband has recently been more on fire for God and it is wonderful – until he’s requiring so many changes from our home. I have 2 teenage boys he is step dad to, and he wants no more secular music to be listened to at all and no video games, etc. I can totally agree to a point – but I don’t feel its requested in love – it’s demanded. Hard really for me because I love many types of music. When it’s required we ONLY listen to Christian, this no longer brings my spirit closer to God. My sons now have friends are not Christian and they are getting closer to their homes than ours since ours is too legalistic. They are met with criticism each day how we fall short from God at dinnertime.
I want to be a Christian wife that supports her husband where he feels he needs to lead his family – but I’m now concerned for my son’s walk with God and afraid they could walk away.
I have definitely spoken in love my concerns, fears, etc, but he then states I’m not behind him and he looks like the bad guy to my sons. He says he feels strongly in doing this. I don’t know what to do. I want to avoid things that are not good for our family – but I would rather see us be together in prayer, study together, etc, than require ‘not tos’. Our walk with God is personal and changes for His glory the more we are in His word, not in the laws. It’s hard to know what to do now.
My heart breaks for you, Shelby. As I type this tears are welling up in my eyes. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this.
First, please don’t give up – and don’t give in. You said so many rights things in your comment. You want to honor your husband, but you are concerned more with what is true. You want your son to respect his stepfather, but you’re having a hard time with the “rules.” You are conflicted, but for the right reasons.
I am a stepfather. I know how hard it can be to feel respected. I also know what it is like to drive a wedge between relationships as a result of being too legalistic. The positive side is you have a husband who hates sin and desires righteousness. The negative side is that you have a blended family with newly-implemented spiritual requirements that are causing resentment.
I will pray that God will open your husband’s eyes to what he is doing. I will pray for you. But what needs to happen is for your husband to see that a far worse sin than “worldly” music is making his children bitter towards God. He needs to understand that forced compliance to laws does not equal a heart towards pleasing Christ. Sure, he should have standards, but ones soaked in grace and built upon a foundation of thankfulness. It is far better to raise kids that listen to Christian music because they want to praise the One who saved them from their sins, rather than listen because they HAVE to.
I don’t know why there is a step parent issue. That’s not my business. But I do know that blended families run a far greater risk of falling apart. My advice to you is to prayerfully and lovingly seek professional, CHRISTIAN marriage counseling. If you don’t want to approach it from a “marriage” perspective, do it for the purpose of learning better how to relate, as a blended family, to your children. You can always learn something, but it may open your husband’s eyes and give you a safe, objective place to express your concerns.
God be with you, Shelby.
Thank you so very much for your prayers. They’ve already made a difference. Yesterday – he told me and the boys that he has made mistakes and hasn’t been the perfect stepdad, but loves us all very much. He then washed our feet!! I was in tears – my youngest son even said it was sooo cool. This was huge for him to do. He’s not a man that expresses himself like that, or does things like that lightly. This spoke volume’s of Christ’s love for us more than any rules ever could!
I love his desire for God and I am proud to be his wife. His heart is open for God’s direction, so your prayers mean so much. Most of what I may tell him may not make sense to him or may not be ‘heard’. But God speaks directly to a heart and knows exactly what will make an impact to someone.
Thank you for all you do and may God richly bless you and your family!
To God be the glory! It was probably your prayers more than mine